July 29—Police were alerted to a wall on Douglas Street that had been covered with graffiti, but refused to pass judgment on someone else ...
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Citing the pair’s “earnest expressions” and “apparent belief in the power of honest dialogue,” sources said Tuesday that the open-minded, nonjudgmental conversation ...
JACKSON, MS—Though he remains quiet and reclusive in nearly all other situations, local resident Frank Collins “really brightens up and comes into his own ...
NEW YORK—Sources are confirming that a sad fucking loser, who many speculate has no friends or anyone in his life to talk to, is ...
BROOKLYN, NY—Blushing in pleasant surprise after receiving the admiring attentions of a pedestrian Tuesday morning, local woman Maley Phillips, 25, told friends she was ...
NEW YORK—While lying dormant in their 12-foot-deep, climate-controlled pit earlier this morning, the nine Komodo dragons recently purchased by local billionaire Kyle Edmunds were ...
BAR HARBOR, ME—Saying that he has reached a point in his married life where he’s ready to “shake things up a little,” local ...
CRESTON, IA—Saying that he detected the "telltale signs" the first time he lay down in it, local infant Joshua Singer told reporters Friday that ...
PEORIA, IL—In keeping with the pair’s time-honored yearly tradition, local resident Bruce Malden reportedly made it through a “smooth and uneventful” six-sentence exchange ...
MINNEAPOLIS—The National Weather Service is reporting that the clouds over Minneapolis have parted, the sun is shining, and the sky is just a little ...
RICHMOND, VA—Sources at the downtown Whole Foods location reported this afternoon that one of the grocery store’s salad bar patrons apparently felt compelled ...