Local
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...
Free Printer Only Reason For Coworkers To Be In Same Physical Space
Free Printer Only Reason For Coworkers To Be In Same Physical Space
'One Week'
Patrons of Darrin’s Bar and Grill looked on in horror Friday as the Barenaked Ladies song “One Week” was brutally murdered by local band ...
Desperate Mom Okays Male Babysitter
HARTFORD, CT—Unable to secure the services of any of the young women who normally watch her 4-year-old son when she goes out for the ...
25-Year-Old Woman's Biggest Dream Still Being Popular High School Student
BRISTOL, CT—Approaching the second half of her twenties with a college degree, a full-time job, and a wide circle of friends, local woman Amanda ...
Jesse Faws
Jesse Faws, 28, died Tuesday in a dream about a plane crash while asleep on a plane that crashed.
Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be Fucking Delusional
SALEM, OR—Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic ...
Dude With Knit Hat At Party Calls Beer ‘Libations’
PROVIDENCE, RI—Sources attending a house party on Governor Street confirmed that the dude with the knit hat has been referring to the supply of ...
This Has To Be Year Local Miniature Golf Course Finally Goes Out Of Business
WHITEHALL, NY—Claiming that the dilapidated, sun-bleached recreational facility had been on its last legs for years, local residents told reporters Monday that this has ...
Sight Of Coworkers' Stupid Fucking Faces Endured Yet Again
WASHINGTON—After a brief two-day reprieve from looking at them day in and day out, Americans across the nation were yet again forced to endure ...
High School Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Difficult Teacher Ages Out Of Education System
CLEVELAND—Faculty and staff at Baxter High expressed a profound sense of relief Monday upon learning that the school’s most infamous troublemaker, 65-year-old geology ...
Man Straight-Up Demands To Know How Many Siblings Coworker Has
HARTFORD, CT—Following months of hesitantly tiptoeing around the matter, sources confirmed that local claims adjuster Jeff Sterling today finally “cut the shit” and demanded ...
