BUTLER, PA—According to Courtney and Brady Leuchter, their new mommy doesn't even make them turn off the Nintendo.

JACKSONVILLE, FL–Remarking, "Oh, I love hippos!" upon receiving a birthday gift of a porcelain hippopotamus, area resident Karen Voldstead doomed herself to a lifetime ...

BERKELEY, CA–Vincent Dunst, manager of a Berkeley-area food cooperative, has added two minutes to his life by consuming organic peanut butter instead of major ...

SCOTTSDALE, AZ–Dental hygienist Bernadette Gable was angered Tuesday by patient Richard Tepfer's failure to floss regularly. "Just look at all this plaque build-up ...

BOCA RATON, FL–In an encouraging report issued Monday by Grandpa, Grandma is still swallowing okay. "Yes, Grandma is getting her food down fine," Grandpa ...

ELGIN, IL–Members of the Schiller family reported Monday that homemaker Caryn Schiller, 43, is struggling with a severe Rubbermaid™ addiction. "We scheduled a family ...

SANTA CRUZ, CA–According to University of California–Santa Cruz sophomore Jessica Lenzi, the new boyfriend of roommate Andrea Bloch is drinking yet another can ...

EUGENE, OR–Mounting evidence in the murder case of Roy Bannister, the 27-year-old X-Files fan whose body was found beaten beyond recognition in his home ...

ARLINGTON, TX–With profound regret, departmental supervisor Peter Dunckel forced an informal gathering to disband at Arlington Printing & Design Monday. "I really do hate to ...

SCRANTON, PA–Jodi Eckhardt, 15, and her mother Colleen covertly communicated a top-secret menses-related message across the dinner table Monday, averting the suspicion of the ...

ALBUQUERQUE, NM–According to area resident Howard Braddock, 44, the goddamn ficus plant in the sun room ought to come with some basic fucking instructions ...

BELVIDERE, IL—According to local residents, there's been a lot less killing since old Dale Stemke passed on.

TRENTON, NJ—By a 6-1 decision Monday, the New Jersey Supreme Court overturned the murder conviction of Secaucus auto mechanic Joseph Delavecchia, ruling that the ...

GAITHERSBURG, MD—Six weeks of meticulous planning and preparation by the clergy and congregation of Sacred Heart Catholic Church culminated Saturday in an excruciatingly tedious ...

WICHITA FALLS, TX—Hey, man, is area resident Craig Goodwin all done with those fries? No? Okay, that's cool, but if the 26-year-old website ...

OTTUMWA, IA—A computer-manipulated talking cat in a commercial for Fresh Step cat litter thoroughly delighted Ottumwa resident Sheila Dagenhardt Monday.

INDIANOLA, MS—According to a report from a pair of bored teens, The Wondrous World Of Fishes was last checked out of the Indianola Public ...

WICHITA FALLS, TX—After three days of steadily increasing discomfort, local resident James Furness, 46, was finally in enough pain Monday to have his sprained ...