BROOKLYN, NY—Law-enforcement officials leapt into action Tuesday, when it became clear that a Saab Turbo convertible was in peril.

AMARILLO, TX–Celebrating the bountiful gift of youth and the endless promise it holds, local 16-year-olds Stephanie Reardon, Doug Shiner and Toby Rizzo spent Friday ...

CORBIN, KY–Local food-service worker Earl Baxter was reduced to this Tuesday, when a Hardee's customer lost a metal bracelet in the restaurant's ...

SMYRNA, GA–Citing his body's need for a brief rest period, as well as a desire to preserve some sense of personal dignity, Smyrna ...

ERIE, PA–Local fast-food consumer Don Turnbee forced himself to drink another free refill Tuesday, despite the fact that he had already consumed three small ...

MARSHFIELD, WI–A purple neon light bordering the license plate of Marshfield 20-year-old Doug Hoechst helped him lure a potential mate Saturday.

MORRISTOWN, NJ–A romance straight out of a storybook has led to a marriage straight out of an in-flight magazine, it was reported Monday. "Matthew ...

HOUSTON–Carpet salesman Martin Janowski, 53, was able to forget about carpeting for just a little while Monday after consuming a fifth of Jim Beam ...

MESA, AZ–Former fat lump of crap Joseph Woodring joined the ranks of the disabled Monday with the purchase of a Rascal(TM)-brand motorized ...

BETHESDA, MD–Beautiful, hand-tooled, leather-bound copies of the greatest works of Western literature "really spiffed up" the den of Elaine Gadsen Monday. "I just love ...

WAYCROSS, GA—In a grisly murder that has stunned residents, the gutted remains of a local chicken were found in a dumpster.

MOORHEAD, MN–Moorhead resident Carl Perry damn near shit himself Monday, when a big-ass animal jumped right the fuck out in front of his Chevy ...

SYOSSET, NY–Long Island homemaker Judith Weiss narrowly escaped poisoning Tuesday when her tap water was purified by her Brita Water Filtration System. "If not ...

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO–Area 8-year-old Danny Rasmussen is enjoying the attention of his parents for the first time ever, thanks to a bitter custody battle ...

SAN MATEO, CA–San Mateo 17-year-old Evan Campos announced Monday that Jessica Roth, 14, the previously unnoticed sister of best friend Andrew Roth, had "really ...

AUGUSTA, ME–The transition from summer to fall inspired local conversationalist Phillip Cadieux Monday. "Boy, it sure is starting to cool off out there," the ...

NEW YORK–According to the Harper's Index in the October issue of Harper's, the percentage of the magazine's readers who only read ...

BEAUMONT, TX–Beaumont-area delivery driver Leon Riggs is not kidding when he tells you that local waitress Pamela Wohlper, 24, has one hell of an ...

BELLINGHAM, WA–Forced to choose a Saturday-evening entertainment option, exhausted consumer Glenn Waters bitterly rented the 1998 film Mercury Rising. "I suppose this will do ...

VAN NUYS, CA–Investigations are continuing into the recent downfall of Jack Castle, an ex-cop drawn into a web of intrigue and deceit by a ...