Marriage

2011 Top Story: Queen Beds Kate Middleton In Royal Tradition

ISSUE 48•02 | 01.09.12 | Onion News Network On IFC

In a major 2011 story, Queen Elizabeth claimed her sovereign right to deflower Kate Middleton immediately following the royal wedding. more»
Wife Unfazed By Husband's Sad E-Mails To Other Women

ISSUE 47•48 | 11.28.11 | News in Brief

SPOKANE, WA—After stumbling upon several pathetic, mostly one-way e-mail correspondences between her husband and other women, local real estate agent Gertrude Tisch said Monday she did not feel particularly threatened by the discovery, and actually ... more»
Guests Emerge Shell-Shocked From Rich People's Wedding

ISSUE 47•15 | 04.17.11 | News in Brief

MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—Citing its 80-piece orchestra and real silver place settings, several of the 500 guests at Saturday's wedding of Boston socialite Elizabeth Kessler and investment banker Peter Graham emerged from the affair dazed and disoriente... more»
Fewer Young Americans Marrying

ISSUE 46•40 | 10.06.10 | Infographic

According to the Population Reference Bureau, the proportion of Americans age 25 to 34 who have never been married went up from 35 percent to 46 percent between 2000 and 2009. Here are some of the reasons young people are no longer marrying. more»
Bad-Ass Engagement Ring Also Tells The Time And Temperature

ISSUE 46•38 | 09.21.10 | News in Photos
Domineering Wife Specifically Said 'Chunk-Style' Pineapple

07.09.10 | Newswire
Mail-Order Bride Comes In Wrong Color, Size

07.08.10 | Newswire
Who Are We Hiring For Our Weddings?

ISSUE 46•27 | 07.07.10 | Statshot
Marriage

ISSUE 46•27 | 07.07.10 | Slideshow
Armless Fiance Showing Off Engagement Hat

07.07.10 | Newswire
Married Paramedics Bickering Over Best Way To Restart Heart

07.05.10 | Newswire
Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save

ISSUE 46•09 | 03.06.10 | News

HOUSTON—With the challenges accompanying his developmental disorder widening the already vast gulf between his parents, autistic child Evan Thomas, 3, continued this week to destroy the failing marriage he was brought into this world to save. more»
Sierra Leone Diamond Miner Devastated By News Of Broken-Off Engagement

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 46•08 | 02.27.10 | News

KENEMA, SIERRA LEONE—"They had so much in common," said local diamond miner Muwomba D'akari before momentarily blacking out from extreme exhaustion. D'akari said he hasn't been this upset since his entire family was killed during Sierra Leone’s decade-long civil war. more»
Gay Marriage Passes In 9 States After Area Homosexual Dunks On Regulation Rim

ISSUE 46•07 | 02.18.10 | News in Brief

MONTGOMERY, AL—A two-handed slam dunk by an openly homosexual man set off a chain of events this week that culminated in the legalization of... more»
Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her

ISSUE 46•04 | 01.25.10 | Newsroom

In this episode of 'Raw Justice,' a depraved sex fiend violated his wife's body almost weekly for ten years before finally murdering her. more»
Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

ISSUE 46•02 | 01.11.10 | News

NEW ORLEANS—"When we were first married, my husband was so dark and mysterious," Sara Pastor said wistfully. "These days though, all he does is pretty much just sit around all night swilling blood and watching the game on ESPN." Added Pastor, "Edward would never do that to Bella." more»
Attractive Woman, Wealthy Man Somehow Making It Work

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 46•01 | 01.06.10 | News in Brief

GREENWICH, CT—Despite their disparate backgrounds, lack of mutual interests, and seemingly insurmountable gap in age, former Miss Kentucky... more»
Where Are We Going For Our Anniversary?

ISSUE 45•49 | 12.02.09 | Statshot
Jon And Kate's Messy Public Divorce

ISSUE 45•42 | 10.14.09 | Infographic

Since announcing their plans to divorce, Jon and Kate Gosselin, subjects of the TV show Jon And Kate Plus Eight, have had... more»
My Mistress Makes The Best Potato Salad

ISSUE 45•41 | 10.08.09 | Commentary

There's nothing I enjoy more than the creamy, tangy taste of a homemade potato salad. "Heaven in a Bowl," I like to call it. I've been a fool for... more»
Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•40 | 10.03.09 | News

SARASOTA, FL—"I could never be unfaithful to Helen," said the 63-year-old Arnold Schneider, who over the past four decades has unsuccessfully attempted extramarital relations with dozens of friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and random strangers. more»
Jealous GPS Clearly Wants Man To Back Over Wife

ISSUE 45•39 | 09.26.09 | News in Photos
Ex-Wife, Divorce Lawyer Killed As Model Train Careens Off Tracks

ISSUE 45•33 | 08.13.09 | News in Brief

KOFSKY BASEMENT—In an accident that model train conductor Howard Kofsky called "a real goddamn shame," an 8-inch passenger car carrying his... more»
Jason Statham Beats Wedding Planner To Death In New Romantic Comedy

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•29 | 07.14.09 | News in Photos
New Hampshire Passes Law Forcing Old People To Watch Gays Marry

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•27 | 06.17.09 | News in Brief

CONCORD, NH—Less than two weeks after legalizing gay marriage in the state, New Hampshire legislators enacted a new law Tuesday making it... more»
Area Mom, Jerry To Wed

ISSUE 47•47 ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•20 | 05.16.09 | News

HARRISBURG, PA—"You remember Jerry," Mom said in a long-distance telephone call to her youngest son, Daniel Schickele, 29. "He bought you that variety tin of popcorn last Christmas." more»
Cute Couple On Same Antidepressant

ISSUE 48•09 ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•07 | 02.10.09 | News in Photos
Mattress King Selects Wife From Small Wisconsin Village

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•04 | 01.19.09 | News

OSHKOSH, WI—Following the proclamation, the Mattress King and his retinue celebrated with great relish at Tinker's Pub, where the Wild Turkey did freely flow. more»
Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 44•51 | 12.17.08 | News in Brief

SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's... more»
Christian Couple Staying Together For Sake Of God

ISSUE 44•37 | 09.09.08 | News in Brief

SANDUSKY, OH—Despite intense unhappiness and an ever-widening emotional rift between them, devout Christian couple Linda and Benjamin... more»

marriage

2011 Top Story: Queen Beds Kate Middleton In Royal Tradition

Wife Unfazed By Husband's Sad E-Mails To Other Women

Guests Emerge Shell-Shocked From Rich People's Wedding

Fewer Young Americans Marrying

Bad-Ass Engagement Ring Also Tells The Time And Temperature

Domineering Wife Specifically Said 'Chunk-Style' Pineapple

Mail-Order Bride Comes In Wrong Color, Size

Who Are We Hiring For Our Weddings?

Marriage

Armless Fiance Showing Off Engagement Hat

Married Paramedics Bickering Over Best Way To Restart Heart

Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save

Sierra Leone Diamond Miner Devastated By News Of Broken-Off Engagement

Gay Marriage Passes In 9 States After Area Homosexual Dunks On Regulation Rim

Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her

Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

Attractive Woman, Wealthy Man Somehow Making It Work

Where Are We Going For Our Anniversary?

Jon And Kate's Messy Public Divorce

My Mistress Makes The Best Potato Salad

Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat

Jealous GPS Clearly Wants Man To Back Over Wife

Ex-Wife, Divorce Lawyer Killed As Model Train Careens Off Tracks

Jason Statham Beats Wedding Planner To Death In New Romantic Comedy

New Hampshire Passes Law Forcing Old People To Watch Gays Marry

Area Mom, Jerry To Wed

Cute Couple On Same Antidepressant

Mattress King Selects Wife From Small Wisconsin Village

Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'

Christian Couple Staying Together For Sake Of God

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan