Affable Anti-Semite Thinks The Jews Are Doing Super Job With The Media
PLANO, TX—Henry McCullers, an affable Plano-area anti-Semite, praised the Jewish people Monday for doing "a bang-up job" running the media. "This has been such ...
Media
Magazine Announces Plans For Special 'Sex Issue'
NEW YORK—The new Jane issue will contain all sorts of articles about sex, written by women who've had sex, for women who've ...
Body Of Missing Mad Magazine Reporter Found In Blecchistan
POTRZEBIE, BLECCHISTAN—Questions regarding the fate of Mad magazine reporter Phil Fonebone, kidnapped at the hands of Blecchistani extremists three months ago, were answered Monday ...
Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters
SPARTANBURG, SC—Vowing to "defend white Christian America against its mongrel assailants," some 20 members of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and more ...
80 Percent Of Small-Town Newspaper Written By Jerry Schoepke
CRESTLINE, OH—Covering beats as diverse as Crestline city government, Crestline High School football, and Crestline births and deaths, Crestline Gazette reporter Jerry Schoepke writes ...
Polish Rapper Under Fire For Use Of The Word 'Polack'
DETROIT— MC Krakow, a popular Detroit-based rapper of Polish descent, came under fire Tuesday for his use of the word 'Polack' on his new album ...
Guy At Bank Has Weird Hair For Guy Who Works At Bank
MODESTO, CA— Marc Kohle, a bank teller at Modesto First Federal, has weird hair for a guy who works at a bank, customers reported Monday ...
Stephen Jay Gould Speaks Out Against Science Paparazzi
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Paleontologist and author Stephen Jay Gould spoke out against the increasingly aggressive tactics of the paparazzi Tuesday, railing against "the reckless throngs of ...
That Guy From That One Show Spotted With The Girl From The Shampoo Ad
LOS ANGELES–According to Hollywood insiders, that guy who plays the doctor with the beard on that one show was spotted at this L.A ...
Four Generations Of Americans Demand Sitcom Reparations
WASHINGTON, DC—Pressure is building for the nation’s TV networks to offer a formal apology and reparations to four generations of Americans.
Police Use Exact Right Amount Of Force To Subdue Suspect
CHICAGO–A pair of Chicago police officers earned accolades Monday, when they used the perfect amount of force to subdue 22-year-old robbery suspect Reggie Clifton ...
The Backstreet Boys Or 'N Sync Release New Album
NEW YORK–Pop, the hotly anticipated new album from either The Backstreet Boys or 'N Sync, hit record stores Tuesday. "I'm pretty sure this ...
Ask A Latina Talk-Show Host
Bonita Salinas-Vicario is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask A Latina Talk-Show Host, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.
Department Of Libel: Drew Carey Killed A Guy And Paid To Cover It Up
WASHINGTON, DC–According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Libel, comedian and TV star Drew Carey killed a guy back ...
Bush Picks Up 20 Copies Of Washington Post He's In
WASHINGTON, DC–President Bush made a special trip to his local newsstand Monday to purchase 20 copies of that day's Washington Post, the cover ...
Pro Athlete Lauded For Being Decent Human Being
MILWAUKEE–Ray Allen, Milwaukee Bucks guard and budding NBA superstar, is drawing raves on and off the court, hailed by admirers as "not an asshole ...
