HUNTSVILLE, AL—The filthy anemone exhibits both male and female characteristics, and is turning our oceans into dens of sin and perversion.

WASHINGTON, DC–The National Corporate Philanthropy-Misanthropy Ratio held steady at 1:770 in the third fiscal quarter of 1998, the U.S. Department of Commerce ...

SMYRNA, GA–Citing his body's need for a brief rest period, as well as a desire to preserve some sense of personal dignity, Smyrna ...

LIBERTY CITY—With his last ounce of strength, dying evil genius Dr. Mordred pulled a red lever Monday, activating his diabolical Ragnarok Device and spelling ...

CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL—After years of construction, Corpadverticus, the new circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.

WASHINGTON, DC—Making good on a promise to curb juvenile crime, Congress passed legislation Monday making it illegal for anyone under 19 to commit murder ...

WINSTON-SALEM, NC—At its quarterly meeting Wednesday, the National Association of Tobacco Growers declared abortion "the most critical issue of our time," resolving to significantly ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In a measure strongly supported by Republicans and Democrats alike, Congress passed legislation Monday budgeting an additional $540 million for evil for Fiscal ...

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Late in the afternoon, the warm, cheery sound of a ringing telephone fills the home of San Diego housewife Sandy Morris. "How ...

JUSTICE CITY—Two seemingly diametrically opposed figures were compared Monday as evil crimelord Cyrus Darkheart confided to longtime nemesis Captain Freedom that the two are ...

EMPORIA, KS—WWII fighter pilot Herman Porter, 87, has been appealing to the federal government since 1948 for the right to kill one last German ...

HANOVER, NH—Times are tough for young people today. Faced with the overwhelming complexities of modern life, many turn to drugs, gangs, and, in some ...

Father Paul Byrne is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask A Morally Weak Preacher, appears in over 250 newspapers nationwide.