Music
Robbie Krieger Goes 51 Minutes Without Mentioning Jim Morrison
LOS ANGELES–In his longest-such stretch since 1982, Doors guitarist Robbie Krieger went 51 minutes Monday without mentioning former bandmate Jim Morrison. "When Jim was ...
Gay Man Really Respects Dolly Parton For All She's Been Through
KANSAS CITY, MO–Rich Fontenot, a Kansas City-area homosexual and longtime Dolly Parton fan, announced Monday that he "totally respects" Parton for all she's ...
Nation In Love With Girl From Record Store
ATHENS, GA—The U.S. populace sheepishly admitted they are captivated by her off-the-charts hipness.
Church Member Not The Same Since Unsuccessful Choir Tryout
PORTLAND, ME–According to parishioners at St. Luke's Episcopal Church, Mary Raines, 58, has "not been the same" since her unsuccessful audition for the ...
High-School Senior Marvels At What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been
FREDERICK, MD—Brian Moeller, musing during a yearbook signing, said so much crazy stuff went down, he can't even begin to explain.
Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank
BOSTON—The soul-wrenching experience of heroin-addiction recovery was used to evoke a bank's financial security Monday.
Girlfriend Changes Man Into Someone She's Not Interested In
CHARLOTTE, NC–After two and a half years of subtle prodding and manipulation, Jill Nickles has finally molded boyfriend Brendan Eiler into the sort of ...
Dubious Inclusions Damage Credibility Of Entire Record Collection
HAMMOND, IN–The credibility of 26-year-old Jeff Gaskill's record collection is badly damaged by the inclusion of several albums of dubious artistic merit, friend ...
Eminem Releases Single About Hugging Elton John At Grammys Then Ripping His Dick Off With Pliers
LOS ANGELES–With the nation still buzzing over his Feb. 21 Grammy Awards duet with Elton John, Eminem released a single Tuesday inspired by the ...
Guy At Bar A Little Too Into Stevie Ray Vaughan
EUCLID, OH–According to Main Street Tavern employees and patrons, the guy at the end of the bar is a little too into deceased blues ...
New Country-Music Video Has Look Of 1991 Rock Video
NASHVILLE–The video for Lonestar's "How 'Bout That," which premiered Monday on TNN, bears an uncanny resemblance to a typical rock video circa 1991 ...
Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People
OVERLAND PARK, KS—Shock rocker Marilyn Manson has been touring suburbia in a last-ditch effort to shock Americans.
Finest Opera Singer Of Her Generation Unknown By Her Generation
NEW YORK–Alessandra Coletti, the 22-year-old mezzo-soprano sensation, has stunned opera-loving octogenarians around the globe with her astonishing range, power, and upper-register control. Touted as ...
