‘Look At How Massive This Dude Is,’ Gushes GM
NEW YORK—Praising the 5’11”, 295-pound man’s bulging muscles and massive, ripped physique, the Cleveland Cavaliers announced their selection of bodybuilder Manfred Sampson ...
With the 2013 NBA Draft quickly approaching, Onion Sports breaks down the best collegiate and international basketball players.
MIAMI—Calling the seemingly unplanned celebration “quite the party,” city residents were reportedly delighted at the impromptu parade that broke out in downtown Miami on ...
MIAMI—A number of self-proclaimed “big Miami Heat fans” woke up this morning, turned on the local news, and were reportedly thrilled to learn that ...
MIAMI—After winning their second consecutive NBA championship, members of the Miami Heat reportedly spent 10 minutes Thursday laughing in the nation’s stupid fucking ...
‘I’ve Accomplished Everything I Ever Dreamed Of,’ Says Former NBA Superstar
MIAMI—After an enormously successful professional career spanning nearly a decade, Miami Heat small forward LeBron James brought his playing days to a close Thursday ...
Library Books, ‘Hudson Hawk,’ Mail Among Things That Won’t Factor Into Outcome
MIAMI—As the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat prepare to face off in Tuesday’s Game 6 matchup, a group of NBA experts ...
DURHAM, NC—A new study published on fan behavior this week revealed that the common practice of waving objects behind the basket to distract free ...
CHARLOTTE, NC—Bobcats owner Michael Jordan announced Wednesday that he has officially hired Patrick Ewing as the team’s assistant coach purely to watch the ...
The Miami Heat battle the San Antonio Spurs for a chance to lift a trophy.
MIAMI—Applying an analytical framework dating back to 360 BC, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan used the concept of infinite divisibility Thursday to argue that ...
SAN ANTONIO—After reaching his fifth NBA championship series, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich admitted to reporters Wednesday that winning this year’s title would ...
LOS ANGELES—In response to small forward Grant Hill retiring after 19 seasons in the NBA, Americans across the country this week reportedly pondered how ...
MIAMI—Following the Miami Heat’s decisive Game 7 victory over the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference championship series Monday night, security personnel at ...
