‘Our Thoughts Go Out To Oklahoma,’ Says Congressman Mentally Calculating When He Can Bring Up Benghazi Again
VISTA, CA—Following the devastating tornado in Oklahoma this week that killed dozens of residents and displaced many more, U.S.
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2013 Year In Review Photo Essay Shaping Up To Be Quite Horrific
WASHINGTON—Citing a succession of tragedies that have darkened the majority of 2013, including the Boston Marathon bombing, the Bangladeshi garment building collapse, and yesterday ...
Americans Dredge Up Last Remaining Reserves Of Grief
OKLAHOMA CITY—In the wake of yesterday’s devastating tornado that has so far left 24 dead and hundreds injured in the Oklahoma City area ...
Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy
Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out ...
Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome
Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and ...
Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome
Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and ...
Report: World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware
NEW YORK—According to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings Institution, the lone non-telepathic individual living in the world today is still completely unaware ...
Report: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Left Really Nice Thank-You Note To Boat Owner
BOSTON—Law enforcement officials confirmed today that before the police captured Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the 19-year-old left a really nice thank-you note for ...
Bangladesh Factory Owners Vow To Change Nothing So That This Happens Again
SAVAR, BANGLADESH—In the wake of a garment factory collapse last month that claimed the lives of more than 1,100 laborers, clothing factory owners ...
Report: No Way This Year's Summer Strawberries Living Up To Hype
WASHINGTON—In the midst of unprecedented buzz over the highly anticipated 2013 crop of summer strawberries, a report issued today by the U.S.
Steven Spielberg Claims He Dislikes Black Actors To Get Out Of Cannes Jury Duty
CANNES, FRANCE—In a brazen attempt to avoid serving jury duty and missing work days, film director and head festival juror Steven Spielberg told the ...
SeaWorld To Discontinue Great White Shark Ride
ORLANDO, FL—Citing flagging popularity and recurrent technical problems over the attraction’s 10-year run, SeaWorld Orlando announced that it will permanently shutter its great ...
Sight Of O.J. Simpson Actually Kind Of Comforting
LAS VEGAS—As O.J. Simpson returns to court to seek a retrial on his 2008 robbery and kidnapping convictions, sources across the country told ...
Clean-Shaven, Tuxedoed James Holmes Charms Courtroom In Latest Appearance
CENTENNIAL, CO—A newly clean-shaven and tuxedo-wearing James Holmes reportedly charmed and utterly beguiled the entire courtroom during an appearance today at his murder trial.
Animal Facing Extinction In 2003 Fucks Its Way Back
CAMBRIDGE, UNITED KINGDOM—Saying that the species knew it had to start fucking and start fucking fast, officials from the International Union for Conservation of ...
Nation Checks Out CNN.com To See What Their Old Pals The Tsarnaevs And Castros Are Up To
WASHINGTON—Americans nationwide turned to the news website CNN.com today to see what was kicking with their old buddies Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev and ...
Study Finds College Education Leaves Majority Of Graduates Unprepared To Carry Entire American Economic Recovery
NEW YORK—According to a new study published Wednesday in The American Educational Research Journal, an overwhelming majority of recent college graduates are completely unprepared ...
