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Woman Praying For Bangladesh Unknowingly Picturing India
Woman Praying For Bangladesh Unknowingly Picturing India
FAA Report: Spirit Airlines Is The Fucking Worst
WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Tuesday by the Federal Aviation Administration, Spirit Airlines, the American low-cost air carrier, is the absolute fucking worst ...
Everyone On Flight Annoyed By Screaming Kid Rock
LOS ANGELES—Passengers on flight 657 from Detroit to Los Angeles confirmed Wednesday that the trip was repeatedly disrupted by the noisy and obnoxious behavior ...
Jenny Sanford: 'I'm Loving These Lax Gun Purchasing Laws'
SULLIVAN’S ISLAND, SC—Hours after former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford won back his old congressional seat Tuesday, the philandering politician’s ex-wife, Jenny ...
17-Year Cicadas Horrified To Learn About 9/11
NEW YORK—Following their synchronized emergence this week after gestating underground since 1996, a colossal swarm of 17-year cicadas were horrified today to learn about ...
James Holmes Elected New NRA President
FAIRFAX, VA—Saying that he embodies the organization’s core values and beliefs, members of the National Rifle Association elected Aurora, CO mass shooter James ...
The Onion’s Tips On How To Prevent Your Major Media Site From Being Hacked
Well, firing your IT person is certainly not a bad place to start. Create safe passwords by only using the trustworthy letters and numbers. Reduce ...
Syrian Electronic Army Has A Little Fun Before Inevitable Upcoming Deaths At Hands Of Rebels
DAMASCUS, SYRIA—After hacking into The Onion’s Twitter account earlier today, members of the Syrian Electronic Army confirmed that the organization simply wanted to ...
Onion Twitter Password Changed To OnionMan77
'That Ought To Do It,' Company Sources Confirm
CHICAGO—Following today’s incident in which the Syrian Electronic Army hacked into The Onion’s Twitter account, sources at America’s Finest News Source ...
Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids
UMass Dartmouth is beginning to regret offering a course in Applied Domestic Terrorism, a social media rockstar makes $28,000 a year, and Miami Dolphins ...
2013 NRA Convention Schedule Of Events
The National Rifle Association is holding its 142nd annual meeting in downtown Houston this weekend.
Rescue Chip Sent In To Save Broken Tostito Submerged In 7-Layer Dip
AKRON, OH—Calling the situation dangerous and a rescue operation “very risky,” authorities have confirmed they will now lower a rescue chip into a seven-layer ...
Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out
The above is a 2008 PSA issued by the Department of Health and Human Services in support of the “Fuck Your Brains Out” sex education ...
Teen Pregnancy Rate Prompting More High Schools To Eliminate ‘Fuck Your Brains Out’ Program
WASHINGTON—A 150 percent increase in teen pregnancy rates over the past decade has led more high schools to eliminate “Fuck Your Brains Out,” a ...
Dick Cheney Vice Presidential Library Opens In Pitch-Dark, Sulfurous Underground Cave
SUMNER, NE—The Richard B. Cheney Vice Presidential Library and Museum officially opened to the public on Wednesday, housing a variety of exhibits honoring the ...
UMass Dartmouth Beginning To Regret Offering Course In Applied Domestic Terrorism
DARTMOUTH, MA—After federal authorities arrested two students from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth on Tuesday in connection with the Boston Marathon bombings, officials at ...
Applebee's Introduces New 50 Appetizers For $250 Special
DECATUR, GA—Announcing a special offer aimed at “whetting appetites like never before,” the Applebee’s restaurant chain said Wednesday that for a limited time ...
