NEW YORK—Emphasizing the importance of “developing contacts and getting your name out there,” sales coordinator Keith Elliott told reporters on Tuesday that he was ...

Before you waste your money again, The Onion's holiday gift guide offers these can’t miss ideas for what to give your somewhat-loved ones ...

HUNTINGTON, WV—Local resident Ann Jacobsen announced Tuesday that she is “champing at the bit” to complain to township officials should anyone object to a ...

DURHAM, NC—In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal Of Social Psychology, scientists reported that members of the millennial generation typically spend ...

Looking for the perfect present for your kids? The Onion presents its ultimate holiday gift guide for children ages 5 and up.

PHILADELPHIA—Having been talked by her boyfriend into seeing Skyfall instead, a movie he insisted they would both enjoy, local girlfriend Chelsea Condos, 27, confirmed ...

NEW YORK—Financial markets were thrown into chaos and consumer confidence plunged to its lowest level in decades Tuesday following the commercial release of This ...

GREECE, NY—Though the annual Christmas letter from the Thompsons addresses Elliot's first semester at college and Mom's new job, it eerily makes ...

The House recently voted to cut $1.6 billion in social-program spending right before Christmas. What do you think?

NORTH POLE—Kristofer Kringle, an international toy distributor popularly known as "Santa Claus," approved elf-penned legislation Monday that grants greater benefits to often-neglected "special wants ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Liberal Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled that the celebration of Christmas, and any directly related good cheer, is unconstitutional.

NEW YORK—A report released Monday by the Anti-Defamation League confirmed the widely held perception that Hanukkah decorations are being...

SOUTHFIELD, MI—The Ghost of Christmas Future said he has visited more than 125,000 homes since Thanksgiving, offering children an agonizing sneak peek at ...

RUTLAND, VT—In what has become an annual holiday tradition, the dysfunctional Dawes family came together Sunday to sit in front of the TV and ...

NEW YORK–Amidst a blizzard of white, yellow, and pink forms in triplicate, a jubilant crowd of more than 800,000 accountants jammed Times Square ...

DAYTON, OH–Determined to make his son's Christmas dreams come true despite financial woes, David McManus spent three hours in his garage Monday constructing ...

MONTOURSVILLE, PA–The arrival of devout Christian cousin Barb Krueger has "for all practical purposes ruined" the Langan family's chances of having an enjoyable ...

FREDONIA, KS–A real-life Grinch was found Monday in Fredonia, where, unlike his fellow residents, Josh Baum refuses to celebrate Christmas. "I'm looking forward ...