Weather fans are going to go nuts this afternoon
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    The Onion's Guide To The Holidays

    Feds Uncover Secret Santa Ring

    News • ISSUE 35•46 • Dec 15, 1999
    BLOOMINGTON, IN—The FBI arrested 34 people and seized $157 in small, tasteful presents Monday in what is believed to be the largest bust of ...

    Terrifying Robotic Anthropomorphic Christmas Tree Lurks In Basement Storage Area

    Newswire • Jul 22, 1999

    Child Bored With Christmas Puppy

    News in Brief • ISSUE 35•05 • Feb 10, 1999
    HAMILTON, OH—Household sources reported Monday that Joshua Hunt, 10, has lost interest in Raggles, the 4-month-old Cocker Spaniel he received on Christmas Day. "For ...
    • Prev
    • 1
    • 2

    Recent News

    3-Day Weekend Practically Already OverBiden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp ClaimGay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second ThingRestaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular MenuMan Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up AntibioticsKate Middleton Suffering From Morning SicknessObama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy

    Recent Videos

    Gay Scouts Forced To Wear Special Merit Badge

    Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice CommandsObama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

    • Orphan Black, "Unconscious Selection"

    • Film: Cannes Film Festival: Cannes 2013, Day Ten: The big wrap-up, including Jim Jarmusch's fantastic vampire film

    • TV: TV Club: Marvel's Avengers Assemble

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Best of Onion Sports: OSN Tackles Underreported Sports

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

    • Dr. Good's Ultimate Shot Giveaway! - Dr. Good - Ep. 3

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved