A recent study found that people who drink two to four cups of coffee daily are 50 percent less likely to commit suicide than those ...
Following a legal settlement with Ben & Jerry’s, porn studio Caballero Video will not release its Ben & Cherry’s line of pornographic videos, featuring such ...
Within the next year, two 242-foot-long, $2.7 billion helium blimps will be deployed into the skies above Washington, D.C., using advanced radar and ...
The mule should have been No. 5 instead of No. 12 on our annual animal rankings. The Onion regrets the error.
U.S. border patrol agents reportedly found marijuana on Justin Bieber’s tour bus as it passed from Canada into Detroit Sunday, though Bieber himself ...
Following months of diplomacy by Secretary of State John Kerry, high-ranking officials from Israel and the Palestinian territories resumed direct peace talks Monday in Washington ...
Pope Francis said today that he would not judge gay priests so long as they are faithful and have good will, claiming that it is ...
According to a new study, tall postmenopausal women are more likely to develop cancer than shorter women, with researchers finding that every 4-inch increase in ...
Dear The Onion,
How dare you!
Linda Gaddis, Sun Prairie, WI
Police closed the Lincoln Memorial early today after discovering that vandals had splattered green paint along the base of the iconic statue of 16th president ...
The celebrated British romantic fiction author Jane Austen, who famously penned Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility, will appear on Great Britain’s new ...
According to a new study, the discrimination that people face regarding their weight, including stigmatizing, teasing, and name-calling, does not motivate them to shed pounds ...
Authorities in California ordered the involuntary psychiatric hospitalization of embattled 27-year-old former actress Amanda Bynes after she allegedly started a fire in a stranger’s ...
New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner said he would not drop out of the race after evidence surfaced that he again sent images of ...
According to a new study, dolphins call and respond to one another using distinctive, personalized whistles, suggesting the marine mammals use and recognize individual names ...
My dearest The Onion,
Apologies for being remiss in correspondence. Have been quite ill with the grippe some four days, but recovering. Yanks have advanced ...
According to a study appearing in the journal Circulation, older men who routinely skipped breakfast had a 27 percent higher risk of a heart attack ...