SAN ANTONIO—Following the Lakers’ 91-79 loss in Game 1 of their playoff series, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly urged his opponents Tuesday not ...
SUNNYVALE, CA—The wonder in 8-year-old Hayley Dunbar's face as she stares out over what locals claim is the world's largest website makes ...
NORMAL, IL—Despite possessing a fully developed brain and a general awareness of the fundamental nature of existence, sources said Rob Peterson, 37, apparently continues ...
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—"I'm already a fixture around here, and I get along great with everybody," said the eager 20-year-old cultural anthropology major.
CUMBERLAND, RI—"My name tags remind people that even though we’re talking about transparent bend protection sleeves doesn't mean we can't have ...
Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars.
LOS ANGELES—Affleck envisioned the sidekick as being taller and slightly beefier the Bourne, and who would always look out for his best friend.
NEW YORK, NY —A hopeless romantic, Barbierri tries to touch upon the individual qualities of each woman he greets, from great legs to visible nipples.
BETHESDA, MD—"When you love archiving information as much as I do, you take risks," said Lisa Milch, who hopes her passion for data will ...
PARKER, CO—"Just when I had lost hope, I met a guy who wasn't married, gay, or repulsed by me," said 40-year-old Karen Ridenour ...
RICHMOND, VA—Though he hopes they won't have to, 35-year-old Thomas Pyle says his staff is standing by to print up a high-quality, full- ...
NEW YORK—In spite of the odds it faces in the ultra-competitive self-improvement segment of the publishing market, the forthcoming self-help book The Life-Changing Power ...
CHULA VISTA, CA—Dave Sychak, a San Diego-area project manager and self-described "gadget freak," has been increasingly careless with his 10-month-old cell phone in the ...
WESTBROOK, ME— Terminally ill patient Wayne Lund and his physician have wildly differing definitions of the word "hope," it was revealed Monday. "Dr. [Robert] Petrakis ...
MINNEAPOLIS—Joe Lennek, 24, a part-time pizza delivery driver and 1997 University of Minnesota dropout, rescued a three-foot length of metallic pipe from the trash ...
ATLANTA–Steve Smidlap, 23, roommate of Andy Cordova, admitted Monday that he is hoping to "accidentally" catch a glimpse of Cordova's girlfriend naked. "Every ...
PITTSFIELD, MA– Days after purchasing a new Coleman Powermate 2500 portable generator, homeowner Randy Denton expressed hope for a power outage Monday. "Man, a huge ...