Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is
SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke ...
Our Annual Year 2011
Democrats, Republicans Celebrate Pitiful Excuse For Common Ground
WASHINGTON—Following Sunday’s pathetic excuse for an agreement on raising the government’s borrowing limit, Democrats and Republicans took time to celebrate the meager ...
New Documentary Focuses On Life Of Eva Braun's Late Husband
NEW YORK—The History Channel announced Thursday it will air a new documentary this fall examining the life of the late husband of prewar German ...
Emergency Team Of 8th-Grade Civics Teachers Dispatched To Washington
WASHINGTON—With lawmakers still at an impasse over increasing the debt ceiling, a special team of 40 eighth-grade civics teachers was air-dropped into Washington earlier ...
London Pawn Shop Returns Amy Winehouse’s Grammy Awards Out Of Respect
London Pawn Shop Returns Amy Winehouse’s Grammy Awards Out Of Respect
Nation's Weirdest Teenager Buys Season One DVD Of 'Murphy Brown'
MUSCATINE, IA—Local teen Brian Lemire, who reports indicate is by far the most bizarre person within his age group anywhere in America, purchased a ...
Last Male Heir To Bloodline Watches Movie Alone On Laptop
CULVER CITY, CA—Nathan Brandten, the last remaining male heir to a rich genetic lineage stretching dozens of generations into the dim and distant past ...
Biden Informs Michelle Obama That She's Running Low On Bath Gel
Biden Informs Michelle Obama That She's Running Low On Bath Gel
God Urges Rick Perry Not To Run For President
AUSTIN, TX—Describing Texas Gov. Rick Perry as grossly unqualified for the position, God, the Creator and Ruler of the Universe, urged Perry not to ...
Congress Continues Debate Over Whether Or Not Nation Should Be Economically Ruined
WASHINGTON—Members of the U.S. Congress reported Wednesday they were continuing to carefully debate the issue of whether or not they should allow the ...
U.S. Quietly Slips Out Of Afghanistan In Dead Of Night
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—In what officials said was the "only way" to move on from what has become a "sad and unpleasant" situation, all 100,000 ...
Little Clay Thing Bought At Arts Festival
EUGENE, OR—A small, somewhat spherical clay thing with various types of decorations on it was purchased Friday at the ninth annual Eugene Arts Festival ...
Report: You Know You Are A Fucking Idiot, Right?
AMHERST, MA—According to a study published Friday by experts who can tell just by looking at you, you have got to be aware that ...
In The Know: Coal Lobby Warns Wind Farms May Blow Earth Off Orbit
Panelists debate whether the U.S. is doing enough to heed the warnings of coal industry scientists who say turbines could blow the Earth right ...
Tim Pawlenty Shaves Off Every Hair On His Body In Really Weird Campaign Gaffe
DES MOINES, IA—In what political insiders are calling one of the weirdest campaign gaffes in history, Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty shaved every single ...
Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard
CHICAGO—Following a protracted period of creative stagnation, struggling 27-year-old musician Tom Ruskin announced Friday his plans to retreat to a remote cabin in the ...
Pakistani Intelligence Announces Its Full Cooperation With U.S. Forces During Upcoming Top Secret June 12 Drone Strike On Al-Qaeda At 5:23 A.M. Near Small Town Of Razmani In North Waziristan
ISLAMABAD—Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence agency restated Thursday its commitment to the fight against terrorism, pledging full cooperation with U.S.
Handmade Anti-Obama Sign Currently Frontrunner For Republican Presidential Nomination
WASHINGTON—According to a Quinnipiac University poll conducted this week, a homemade anti-Obama sign has surged to the front of the 2012 Republican presidential field ...
