DANBURY, CT—After learning that he had been laid off Friday by global conglomerate Honeywell International, senior sales associate Edward Morway expressed relief that his ...

Ratko Mladic’s Lawyers Bargain Genocide Charges Down To 8,000 Counts Of Manslaughter

LONDON—Barely a month after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced ...

New Medicare Law Would Require Never Mentioning Program To Anyone Born After January 1, 2012

RICHMOND, VA—A table of people enjoying a friendly conversation plunged diner John Richards into a deep, bitter resentment Monday that he was completely unable ...

CHICAGO—Following various incidents in which they stumbled, got distracted, or simply lost their grip, thousands of dopes across the country announced Friday that they ...

Man Whose Every Move Is Calculated For Personal Gain Represents 750,000 Constituents

WASHINGTON—After conducting an in-depth analysis of the nation's industrial output and long-term economic future, leading economists delicately suggested this week that maybe American ...

WASHINGTON—State Department diplomat Nelson Milstrand, who appeared on CNN last week and offered an informed, thoughtful analysis implying that Israel could perhaps exercise more ...

ARLINGTON, VA—Scrambling to secure much-needed funding, the Public Broadcasting Service began its spring pledge drive Monday with the debut broadcast of Nova: Boobs A-Bouncin'.

IMF Chief Offers Hotel Maid $19 Billion In Economic Development Aid To Drop Charges

PALO ALTO, CA—Hewlett-Packard announced Friday the release of the first-ever non-computer, a fully unusable device spe≠cially designed to address the demands of individuals ...

NEW HAVEN, CT—A new report released Wednesday by a privately funded think tank revealed that local receptionist Amanda Berley, 31, has the best friends ...

WASHINGTON—The frequency and detail of uninformed conversations about the required strength, agility, and killing abilities of the Navy SEALs has increased exponentially since the ...

WASHINGTON—Exhausted but satisfied leaders from both parties came together Tuesday night to announce that Congress had successfully completed 12 solid hours of nonstop gridlocking ...