Our Annual Year 2012
Romney Proudly Explains How He's Turned Campaign Around
'I'm Lying More,' He Says
BOSTON—For weeks many Beltway insiders had written off the Romney campaign as dead, saying the candidate had dug himself into too deep a hole ...
Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate
Year In Review
DENVER—Following last night’s nationally televised presidential debate, President Barack Obama’s 11-year-old daughter Sasha reportedly asked her father why he was “acting like ...
Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate
'Don't Want Pussy On The Mind Out There,' Reports Vice President
DENVER—Noting that tonight’s debate against Mitt Romney would last a full hour and a half, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly urged President Obama ...
Smug Replacement Refs Point Out Not A Single 'Intentional Midfield Zone Hands' Called All Weekend
NEW YORK—Following the return of the NFL’s regular officials, several smug replacement referees told reporters Tuesday about the abundance of missed calls last ...
Neil Armstrong's Wife Glad To Finally Get Rid Of All The Space Hobby Crap
CINCINNATI—Carol Held Knight told reporters on Wednesday that, though she was still mourning her husband Neil Armstrong’s death, it was frankly a relief ...
Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama
CHARLESTON, WV—According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for ...
Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days
SCHAUMBURG, IL—In a turn of events that has stunned the worldwide medical community, local infant Nathan Jameson, born just six days ago, has become ...
No One Murdered Because Of This Image
WASHINGTON—Following the publication of the image above, in which the most cherished figures from multiple religious faiths were depicted engaging in a lascivious sex ...
Obama's 19-Year-Old Son Makes Rare Appearance At DNC
CHARLOTTE, NC—The first family has turned more than a few heads at this week’s Democratic National Convention, where the president, as he greets ...
Prince Charles Thinks Boys Are Finally Old Enough To Hear What Happened To Their Mother
LONDON—Feeling that his sons were finally mature enough to handle the truth, Prince Charles reportedly decided Thursday to tell Princes William and Harry what ...
Bill Clinton Finally Just Shows America His Penis
CHARLOTTE, NC—During his speech Wednesday evening at the Democratic National Convention in downtown Charlotte, former U.S.
'Breaking Bad' Creator Thinking Maybe Next Season Should Take Dark Turn
LOS ANGELES—Following last Sunday’s Breaking Bad midseason finale, creator and showrunner Vince Gilligan told reporters that in a departure from the “light, fun ...
Clint Eastwood To Publish New Autobiography: 'I…Where You're Alive And They—You Write A Book About You'
Year In Review
NEW YORK—According to publisher HarperCollins, 82-year-old actor Clint Eastwood’s new autobiography, I…Where You’re Alive And They—You Write A Book About ...
Best They Could Get Accepts Republican Nomination
TAMPA, FL—Addressing thousands of faithful GOP supporters at the Republican National Convention Thursday evening, the best they could get right now formally accepted the ...
Entire Republican National Convention Stunned As Ann Romney Asks For Divorce
TAMPA, FL—Ann Romney shocked the crowd at the Tampa Bay Times Forum into silence Tuesday, announcing during her remarks to the Republican National Convention ...
Gay Marine Beaten To Bloody Pulp To Fire Up RNC Crowd
TAMPA, FL—Excitement on the floor of the Republican National Convention reached a fever pitch Tuesday, as attendees were treated to a rally at the ...






















