Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons
WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation.
Patriotism
Child On White House Tour Momentarily Seizes Control Of Nation
WASHINGTON, DC—Myers spent much of his reign, which lasted from approximately 2:00 p.m. to 2:15 p.m., spinning in circles in ...
Doll-Housing Crisis Set To Worsen, Mean Older Brother Says
DAYTON, OH—According to 5-year-old Janie Wright's mean older brother, Dave, 8, if unsuitable borrowers Ken and Barbie continue to default on...
It Only Tuesday
WASHINGTON, DC—Tuesday's arrival stunned a nation still recovering from Monday's nightmarish slog, leaving some to wonder if the week was ever going ...
CIA's Authorized Torture Practices
The New York Times uncovered memoranda of secret Justice Department legal opinions regarding methods of interrogating enemy combatants....
Cost Of Freedom At All-Time High
WASHINGTON, DC—According to a report released Monday, the cost of American freedom has soared from its previous 1779 high of bravery,...
Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year
WASHINGTON, DC —Thanks to the group's tireless efforts, six generations of civilians have never known the cruelty and duress of quartering unruly foot-soldiers.
Blackwater In The United States
Since it was reported that Blackwater killed more than 25 Iraqi civilians in a seemingly unprovoked attack, it has also come to light that the...
Steroid Bust Nets 124
The DEA participated in an international steroid sweep that resulted in the arrest of 124 people, as well as the seizure of 11.4 million ...
U.S. Loses 4,000 Jobs
The U.S. economy lost 4,000 jobs last month—the largest drop in four years—raising fears of a recession. What do you think?
Gen. Petraeus Delivers Iraq Report
Gen. David Petraeus gave his report on the effectiveness of the troop surge in Iraq to Congress Monday. Here are some of the most significant...
Number Of Blacks In Military Down
A Defense Department report states that the percentage of blacks among active-duty recruits fell from 20 percent to 13 percent since the Afghanistan...
Study: Retired Dads Busier Than Ever
NEW YORK—A recent survey published in AARP The Magazine indicates that 95 percent of the nation's retired dads are in fact "busier...
America Most Armed Nation
The 2007 Small Arms Survey indicates that the United States is the most armed nation in the world, with 90 guns for every 100 citizens ...
Housing Prices Fall Sharply
The prices of U.S. homes fell by 3.2 percent in the second quarter, the steepest in 20 years. What do you think?
Senate Allocates $460 Billion For Big Labor Day Sales
WASHINGTON, DC—The Must Act Now Act authorizes the federal government to take full advantage of "sensational savings" on select and already-reduced merchandise.
Travelocity Fined For Cuba Trips
Internet travel site Travelocity was fined $182,750 for booking trips to Cuba in violation of a 45-year-old embargo. What do you think?
Attorney General Gonzales Resigns
Internet travel site Travelocity was fined $182,750 for booking trips to Cuba in violation of a 45-year-old embargo. What do you think?
Pain Medication Use Skyrocketing
Since 1997, the use of prescription painkillers in the United States has risen 88 percent, and oxyxocone, the main ingredient in OxyContin, has...
