Police
Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife
'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson
NEW YORK—Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had ...
Anaheim Police Chief John Welter: 'Look, Our Job Is To Shoot People'
ANAHEIM, CA—As protests over a pair of fatal weekend shootings by Anaheim Police entered their fifth day, law enforcement officials continued Thursday to ignore ...
Cop Grudgingly Admits Suspect Is The Best Goddamn Pedophile He's Seen In 30 Years On The Force
LOS ANGELES—Veteran LAPD detective James Russo, 49, reluctantly admitted to reporters Thursday that the pedophile he is currently on the trail of is the ...
Cops Cleared On Corruption Charges After Implicating Decorated Police Dog
SARATOGA, NY—Less than 24 hours after being promoted to staff sergeant within the corruption-plagued Saratoga Police Department, decorated canine unit dog Chips was implicated ...
Florida Police Warn Public Against Taking Law Into Own Hands Unless It’s That Law Specifically Designed For You To Do That
SANFORD, FL—Amidst the controversy surrounding the recent shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, the Sanford Police Department cautioned Florida residents Tuesday against taking the ...
Police Report: Sexual Assault Numbers Under Control, Unless You Count The Super Brutal Ones
LOS ANGELES—The Los Angeles Police Department confirmed Friday that incidences of sexual assault in 2010 have plummeted to record lows, that is, if one ...
Detroit Ending 24-Hour Police Station Access
Beginning this week, the City of Detroit will shut the doors of its police stations to the public for 16 hours a day. Here are ...
Stolen Tour Bus Leads Police On Chase Of Historic Downtown Philadelphia
PHILADELPHIA—Police were led on a reckless, high-speed pursuit past more than a dozen of downtown Philadelphia's most historically fascinating...
Good Cop, Avid-Stamp-Collector Cop Routine Not Working
LOS ANGELES—An ongoing interrogation at the Los Angeles Police Department's downtown precinct has not been as successful as hoped, despite the...
Crime Scene Investigators Find Arrowhead
BALTIMORE—Police were shocked to discover an arrowhead that could be thousands of years old lying right next to the partially decomposed bodies of two ...
Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons
LOS ANGELES—"McCluskey's a good man, but he needs to clean up his act," Chief William J. Bratton said. "Same goes for Conroy, Peterman ...
Man Sentenced To 3 Months Probation For 17th-Degree Murder
ST. LOUIS—Jury members in the murder case against real estate agent David Steffen said that the angry message Steffen left on victim Ron...
Demoted Cop Unsure Why Desk Job Considered Punishment
CHICAGO—Noting that his new assignment is low-stress and conveniently located next to the vending machines, Chicago Police Department...
May 13, 1932
Lindbergh Baby Found Dead: Police Vow to Convict Non-English-Speaking Immigrant 'At Any Cost'
