NASHVILLE, TN—The Tennessee state legislature will hold a historic, first-ever Sunday session this week to break a three-week Ford-Chevy deadlock, The Tennesseean reported Friday.

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton publicly distanced himself from the office of president and all duties therein at a press conference Monday. "Fuck this president shit ...

YORBA LINDA, CA—Doctors in charge of providing ongoing medical care for Ronald Reagan announced Monday that the former president—whose mental and physical health ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Unable to keep pace with the fat-storage needs of an increasingly prosperous, inactive and consumptive American populace, the nation's 140,000 federal ...

Do you realize that a recent UNICEF study showed that nine million U.S. children suffer from malnutrition? And that 2,699 infants are born ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In a report delivered to top Defense Department officials Monday, U.S. Defense Secretary William Cohen announced that he is in love and ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Ushering in a new era of American economic prosperity, Congress announced Monday that the nation's $4.8 trillion federal budget deficit has ...

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton's approval rating skyrocketed Monday with his acquisition of the keys to the Eliminator hot rod.

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing the need for cheaper and faster shipping to the Western Territories, the need to unite the Republic after the long and bitter ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Following through on a promise to get tough on food, Congress unveiled its revised, stricter 1997 food-crime equivalency ratings Monday.

WASHINGTON, DC—In an official White House ceremony Monday, President Clinton appointed actress Marilu Henner the first-ever U.S. Secretary of Mid-Level Talent. "Until now ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In a tense standoff with far-reaching implications for both the free world and the president's ironclad code of honor, President Clinton made ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to streamline federal affairs and give the government a much-needed shot in the arm, the three federal branches inked an unprecedented $12 ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In light of the amount of shit that’s been piling up lately, President Clinton called for a National Week Off.

WASHINGTON, DC—In a nationally televised press conference, U.S. Secretary of Beer Earl Titleman shouted boisterously and implored the American people to get down ...

As part of his recent campaign to address the problem of racism in America, President Clinton raised the possibility of apologizing for slavery. What do ...

LANGLEY, VA—After months of eager anticipation within the nation's ghetto communities, the Central Intelligence Agency unveiled its 1998 line of addictive drugs Monday.