WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton's approval rating skyrocketed Monday with his acquisition of the keys to the Eliminator hot rod.

WASHINGTON, DC—Citing the need for cheaper and faster shipping to the Western Territories, the need to unite the Republic after the long and bitter ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Following through on a promise to get tough on food, Congress unveiled its revised, stricter 1997 food-crime equivalency ratings Monday.

WASHINGTON, DC—In an official White House ceremony Monday, President Clinton appointed actress Marilu Henner the first-ever U.S. Secretary of Mid-Level Talent. "Until now ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In a tense standoff with far-reaching implications for both the free world and the president's ironclad code of honor, President Clinton made ...

WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to streamline federal affairs and give the government a much-needed shot in the arm, the three federal branches inked an unprecedented $12 ...

WASHINGTON, DC—In light of the amount of shit that’s been piling up lately, President Clinton called for a National Week Off.

WASHINGTON, DC—In a nationally televised press conference, U.S. Secretary of Beer Earl Titleman shouted boisterously and implored the American people to get down ...

As part of his recent campaign to address the problem of racism in America, President Clinton raised the possibility of apologizing for slavery. What do ...

LANGLEY, VA—After months of eager anticipation within the nation's ghetto communities, the Central Intelligence Agency unveiled its 1998 line of addictive drugs Monday.

WASHINGTON, DC—Congress approved legislation Monday allocating more than $30 billion for digital enhancement of natural disasters. "It's bad enough losing loved ones to ...

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton wowed Congress with a revised balanced-budget proposal Monday, utilizing eye-catching, easy-to-read color charts printed at Kinko's to win over Republican ...

President Clinton spoke out last week against "heroin chic," the glamorization of heroin use through fashion ads depicting emaciated, strung-out-looking models. What do you think?

WASHINGTON, DC—On Monday, U.S. Sen. Alfonse D'Amato (R-NY) called for a special investigative panel to look into allegations that U.S. Secretary ...

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton fired the entire U.S. Cabinet Monday following an episode of the popular television program X-Files he called "disturbing."

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton echoed the hopes of a nation in his weekly radio address Sunday, calling for big bucks and no whammys in the ...