Politics
U.S. Drug Czar Announces: 'I'm Higher Than Hell Right Now'
WASHINGTON, D.C.—U.S. Drug Czar Richard B. McTaggart, the nation’s Commander in Chief in the War on Drugs, held a press conference ...
Bob Dole For Windows to Replace Bob Dole 4.0
WASHINGTON, DC—Computer users are eagerly anticipating the new updated version of Bob Dole due in stores next week.
'Rock the Vote' Propels Metallica to Senate
WASHINGTON, DC—MTV’s Rock the Vote campaign has propelled the heavy metal group Metallica to a U.S.
Bob Dole Stuck on Sandbar
CAIRO, IL—Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole remains stranded on a sandbar on the Mississippi River near the Illinois-Missouri border today after multiple rescue attempts ...
Clinton Sold
WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Clinton was sold at an invitation-only Sotheby’s auction Sunday, purchased by well-known British financier Owen Barasman.
Colorado Judge Imposes Ban on Same-Sex Friendships
In a landmark decision being watched closely by both civil liberties advocates and people who have friends, Colorado Fifth District Judge Stephen T.
Clinton Breaks Off Talks with Carpetland
Washington, D.C. —After months of deteriorating relations, President Clinton yesterday announced that the U.S.
Governor Approves 24-Hour Waiting Period For Women Voters
MADISON, WI—In a long-awaited follow-up to the 24-hour hold on women’s checks, Gov. Tommy Thompson signed a bill yesterday requiring a 24-hour waiting ...
Ronald Reagan Endorses 'Pill Lady' for president
BEL AIR, CA—Former President Ronald Reagan, bedridden with Alzheimer’s Disease, surprised political observers Tuesday with his official endorsement in the 1996 presidential race.
Clinton Uses Power of Make-Believe to Turn Bar of Soap Into Tugboat
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an impressive act of imagination, President Clinton used the power of make-believe Sunday to turn an ordinary bar of soap into ...
Hero Fireman Saves Child Trapped in Bob Dole
PLAINFIELD, NE—In an inspiring display of modern-day heroism, Plainfield fireman James Pagnozzi yesterday saved the life of area resident Janie Siles, 4, who became ...
Federal Law Enforcement Officials Unveil New Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings
WASHINGTON (AP)—A unilateral caucus of the nation’s law enforcement officials yesterday unveiled America’s new food-crime equivalency ratings for 1996 .Passed unanimously, the ...
Racist Figurines March On Washington
WASHINGTON, DC—Calling themselves "insulting caricatures born of bigotry" and "demeaning portrayals bearing no resemblance to actual human beings or cultures," an estimated 400,000 ...
Miss America Called Before U.N. Council for Not promoting Enough World Peace
NEW YORK—Miss America 1996, 24-year-old Angela Pierce, was called into question Sunday during a special U.N.
Clinton Tagged by Local Gang
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an incident under heavy investigation by Secret Service officials, President Clinton was “tagged” late yesterday afternoon, spray-painted across the chest by ...
New Government Shutdown Caused by Bat in Capitol
The federal government shut down again on Monday at 5 p.m. when a bat was spotted flying around the inside of the U.S.

















