Obama Speechwriters Unsure How They’d Praise Fort Lauderdale In Event Of Tragedy
WASHINGTON—Claiming that nothing about the city really evokes the strong sense of pride and endurance that typically serves as a source of strength in ...
Politics
Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars On The Back Of One Of Those Trucks
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a nationally televised press conference from the White House this morning, President Obama explained to the nation how they load all those ...
Secretary Of Interior Takes Presidential Oath Of Office
'I Still Can't Believe The President, Vice President, Speaker Of The House, President Pro Tem, Sec. Of State, Sec. Of The Treasury, Sec. Of Defense, And Attorney General Were All In That Hot-Air Balloon,' Says New President Sally Jewell
WASHINGTON—Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell was sworn in today as the 45th president of the United States, reciting the oath of office in ...
'Fuck You,' Obama Says In Hilarious Correspondents' Dinner Speech
'No, Really, Fuck Every One Of You'
WASHINGTON—President Obama left attendees of the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in stitches Saturday night after delivering a hilarious speech repeatedly telling the entire ...
Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library
DALLAS—After taking an “eye-opening” tour of the newly dedicated George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas Thursday, President Barack Obama reportedly ordered ...
Romney Drops By To See How Down-And-Out Family He Met On Campaign Trail Doing
CANTON, OH—According to reports, former presidential candidate Mitt Romney stopped by Wednesday morning to check up on Allen and Brenda Spearing, a financially strapped ...
John Kerry Lost Somewhere In Gobi Desert
SOUTHERN MONGOLIA—After failing to arrive at his destination in the Middle East this week for diplomatic talks with state leaders, sources confirmed that U ...
U.S. Ambassador To Cambodia Thinks Diplomatic Immunity Covers What He Just Did
PHNOM PENH—Wiping blood from his hands as he spoke with reporters Monday, U.S. ambassador to Cambodia William E.
Palestinians, Israelis Come Together To Mock Obama's Hopelessly Naive Speech
JERUSALEM—Coming together for the first time in generations, Palestinian and Israeli citizens were reportedly seen gathered at the West Bank today mocking President Obama ...
Obama, Rachel Goldstein Really Hitting It Off On Group Trip To Israel
JERUSALEM—Participants on Taglit Shorashim’s Israel Experience trip reported Wednesday that a special bond was clearly forming between President Barack Obama, 51, and Cleveland-area ...
Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System
JERUSALEM—While touring Israel’s “Iron Dome” all-weather missile defense system Wednesday, President Barack Obama sarcastically asked Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu where he got all ...
Itinerary For Obama's Visit To Israel
In his first visit to Israel as president, Barack Obama will meet with the Middle Eastern nation’s top leaders over the next three days ...
'This Is A Pointless Trip,' Obama Says While Shaking Hands With Netanyahu
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL—Moments after stepping out from Air Force One Wednesday, President Barack Obama reportedly greeted Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at Ben Gurion International ...
Paul Ryan's Unsettling Budget Plan Reveals He Cuts His Own Hair
Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he ...
14-Year-Old Congressional Whiz Kid Balances Budget
WASHINGTON—At an age when most boys are going to Little League practice and playing video games with their friends, spunky Congressional whiz kid Paul ...
Romney Blames Loss On Successfully Communicating His Message To Minorities
In his first televised interview since the election, Mitt Romney said his bid for the White House was doomed by his ability to effectively and ...
Obama, Congress Must Reach Deal On Budget By March 1, And Then April 1, And Then April 20, And Then April 28, And Then May 1
And Then Twice A Week For Next Four Years
WASHINGTON—With the dramatic, across-the-board sequestration scheduled to occur this week, the nation’s leading economists have warned that President Obama and Congress must come ...
Republicans Reach Out To Women With New 'No Punch Pretty Lady' Bill
To shore up support among female voters, the GOP has introduced a bill banning "putting angry hands to lady necks" and "hurting pretty ladies with ...
