Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President
DAYTON, OH—Claiming that running for president of the United States is all he knows, Republican nominee Mitt Romney has confided to aides that he ...
Politics
'Please Don't Let Me Die In Here' Begs Voter In Cutting Edge Debate Booth
Americans talk directly to the candidates in the first test of ONN's amazing, 100% safe DemocraKiosk booths.
God Distances Self From Christian Right
THE HEAVENS—Responding to inflammatory remarks made by Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock during a debate Tuesday night, Our Lord God the Almighty Father today ...
'Mother Mary Was Essentially Raped,' Mourdock Says While Digging Self Into Deeper Hole
NEW ALBANY, IN—Defending his comment that a woman becoming pregnant from rape “is something God intended,” Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock dug himself into ...
Hot New App From The GOP Modernizes Minority Voter Suppression
No more waiting in long lines just to have your vote thrown away! A new app makes it easier than ever for minorities to be ...
Fact-Checking The Debates
The four presidential and vice presidential debates of the 2012 election season featured countless questionable or conflicting claims, giving the nation’s fact-checkers more than ...
ONN's Presidential Debate Gives Average Americans Totally Unsupervised Airtime
Voters can't wait to show Obama and Romney the pointless talents that make America great.
Entire Nation Now Undecided After 4 Debates
WASHINGTON—Following the completion of three presidential debates and one vice presidential debate, a nationwide Gallup tracking poll conducted this morning has found that all ...
Live Coverage Of Last Night's Final Presidential Debate From Onion Politics
Foreign policy primer: Besides the US, there are 6 countries in the world. They are Israel, Iran, China, Libya, Syria and Afghanistan. — Onion Politics (@OnionPolitics ...
Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack
BOCA RATON, FL—Saying that the high-value target represented a major threat to their most vital objectives, Obama administration officials confirmed tonight that former governor ...
Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin
BOCA RATON, FL—After asserting during Monday’s foreign policy debate that Americans needed a president who would “finally stand up to China,” Republican nominee ...
Weeping Obama Breaks Down, Admits Bin Laden Still Alive And Out There Somewhere
BOCA RATON, FL—In a stunning admission during tonight’s foreign policy debate, President Barack Obama broke down in tears and announced that Osama bin ...
Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America
BOCA RATON, FL—During tonight’s presidential debate on international issues, Republican candidate Mitt Romney vowed to halt all of the Obama administration’s foreign ...
Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All
BOCA RATON, FL—Citing the continuous regurgitation of the same campaign talking points and the media’s exhaustion of almost every conceivable sound bite, political ...
Romney's Sons Forced To Quickly Enlist In U.S. Army Ahead Of Foreign Policy Debate
Romney's Sons Forced To Quickly Enlist In U.S. Army Ahead Of Foreign Policy Debate
Overheating Planet That Will Ultimately End Human Race To Maybe Come Up In Tonight's Debate
Overheating Planet That Will Ultimately End Human Race To Maybe Come Up In Tonight's Debate
Romney Foreign Policy Debate Prep In Crisis Mode After Discovering Existence Of Country Called 'Womania'
BOCA RATON, FL—Sources within the Romney campaign said the candidate’s preparation for tonight’s foreign policy debate with President Barack Obama went into ...
RomneyLabs Concocts 'Doomsday Zinger' Capable Of Swinging Any Debate, However Lopsided
BELMONT, MA—In preparation for tonight’s third and final presidential debate, the microbiologists, chemists, and physicists employed at RomneyLabs confirmed Monday that they had ...
