Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack
BOCA RATON, FL—Saying that the high-value target represented a major threat to their most vital objectives, Obama administration officials confirmed tonight that former governor ...
Politics
Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin
BOCA RATON, FL—After asserting during Monday’s foreign policy debate that Americans needed a president who would “finally stand up to China,” Republican nominee ...
Weeping Obama Breaks Down, Admits Bin Laden Still Alive And Out There Somewhere
BOCA RATON, FL—In a stunning admission during tonight’s foreign policy debate, President Barack Obama broke down in tears and announced that Osama bin ...
Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In America
BOCA RATON, FL—During tonight’s presidential debate on international issues, Republican candidate Mitt Romney vowed to halt all of the Obama administration’s foreign ...
Both Candidates Announcing Unmitigated Support For Eugenics Virtually Only Way Tonight's Debate Will Matter At All
BOCA RATON, FL—Citing the continuous regurgitation of the same campaign talking points and the media’s exhaustion of almost every conceivable sound bite, political ...
Romney Foreign Policy Debate Prep In Crisis Mode After Discovering Existence Of Country Called 'Womania'
BOCA RATON, FL—Sources within the Romney campaign said the candidate’s preparation for tonight’s foreign policy debate with President Barack Obama went into ...
RomneyLabs Concocts 'Doomsday Zinger' Capable Of Swinging Any Debate, However Lopsided
BELMONT, MA—In preparation for tonight’s third and final presidential debate, the microbiologists, chemists, and physicists employed at RomneyLabs confirmed Monday that they had ...
Romney Stands Behind Ryan To Show Good Campaigning Stance
COLUMBUS, OH—In order to demonstrate proper campaign posture, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stood behind running mate Paul Ryan on Saturday and gently guided ...
'I Feel Your Pain,' Romney Tells Campaign Rally Attendees Who Make $20 Million A Year
INDIAN HILL, OH—As he continues to tout his plan to fix the economy and “make things right,” presidential nominee Mitt Romney delivered a heartfelt ...
The Onion Endorses John Edwards For President
Choosing who should be entrusted to lead our nation’s government is not a responsibility that should be taken lightly, and never has that maxim ...
Bruce Springsteen Accidentally Plays 'Big Government's Stealin' Our Livelihood' At Obama Rally
PARMA, OH—While performing at a campaign rally for President Barack Obama on Thursday, rock icon Bruce Springsteen reportedly failed to fire up the largely ...
Update: More Romney Google Searches Revealed
Okay, See, This Exactly What Irritated Man Talking About | More Local News: onion.com/PQaScv — The Onion (@TheOnion) October 18, 2012 The Onion Book of ...
Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked
BREAKING: Analysts are scrambling to determine what leaked searches like "Blood child, blood on the child" and "must the president look at people" could tell ...
Town Hall Attendees Still Standing Patiently Waiting For Their Questions To Be Answered
HEMPSTEAD, NY—More than 15 hours after the conclusion of the second presidential debate, sources confirmed members of the town-hall audience who asked questions last ...
