Obama Sort Of Freaked Out After Not Receiving Single E-Mail, Phone Call For Entire Day
WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama told reporters Tuesday he was surprised and "a bit unsettled" that he had not received a single e-mail, phone call, or ...
Presidents
Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once
WASHINGTON—Despite being constantly tempted by the seductive power of having an apocalyptic arsenal at his fingertips, President Barack Obama somehow made it through another ...
Obama's Deficit-Reduction Plan Includes Spending Cuts, Robbing Fort Knox, Tax Reform
WASHINGTON—Saying the nation must face the "grave realities" of its mounting debt, President Barack Obama unveiled a deficit-reduction plan Wednesday that included far-reaching spending ...
Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign
BOONEVILLE, KY—A number of groups withdrew financial support after Cooter Obama punched a swan in the face and mistook Sen. John Kerry for an ...
Grandmother Proud To Have Lived Long Enough To See First Viable Female Candidate Torn Apart
PEORIA, IL—Seventy-six-year-old grandmother Anita Graney told reporters Monday that she was "overwhelmed with pride" for having lived to see...
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change
CHICAGO—Some residents reported seeing the black guy waving wildly and quoting from the Bible, while others said they spotted him shouting about global warming.
Man Who Should Be President Has Asymmetrical Eyebrows
DAYTON, OH—With a wide-ranging knowledge of both domestic and foreign issues, unflappable composure, and an uncanny ability to reach across the...
Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man
BANGOR, ME—"He may not have lived to see it, but I'm sure President Reagan is up in heaven smiling down on me," said ...
New Secret Service Agent Disappointed There Are No Decoy Presidents
WASHINGTON, DC—Rookie Secret Service agent Daniel Ferris, 32, expressed disappointment Monday upon learning there is not a series of...
Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car
WASHINGTON, DC—"Why can't I go with him? When is he coming back?" a tearful President Bush asked advisers as Karl Rove's sedan ...
New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot
DALLAS, TX—The fatal trauma to Kennedy's head on Nov. 22, 1963 originated internally, some theorists now allege.
Dec. 10, 1936
FDR Rummages Through Parents' House to 'See if There's Anything in There America Could Use'
September 7, 1901
McKinley Attacked By Wild Boar
June 29, 1919
President Wilson Calls For Creation Of Useless World Governing Body
Abraham Lincoln's DNA Now Available Over The Counter
DC—Responding to pressure from vocal consumer groups and gene-gineering giant Merck-Maibatsu-Pfizer Monday, the FDA announced it will allow the DNA of America's 16th ...
A Female Dolphin President?
Sen. E'eek Finback (D-AO) has already emerged as a frontrunner for the 2057 Democratic presidential nomination, but some say America isn't ready for ...
The New Lincoln Museum
The high-tech Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum opened in Springfield, IL last week. What are some of its exhibits?
