Presidents

Obama Sort Of Freaked Out After Not Receiving Single E-Mail, Phone Call For Entire Day

ISSUE 47•28 | 07.13.11 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama told reporters Tuesday he was surprised and "a bit unsettled" that he had not received a single e-mail, phone call, or written briefing in the past 24 hours. more»
Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once

ISSUE 47•19 | 05.11.11 | News

WASHINGTON—Despite being constantly tempted by the seductive power of having an apocalyptic arsenal at his fingertips, President Barack Obama somehow made it through another day Tuesday without unlocking the box on his desk that houses "the but... more»
Obama's Deficit-Reduction Plan Includes Spending Cuts, Robbing Fort Knox, Tax Reform

ISSUE 47•17 | 04.27.11 | News

WASHINGTON—Saying the nation must face the "grave realities" of its mounting debt, President Barack Obama unveiled a deficit-reduction plan Wednesday that included far-reaching spending cuts, pulling off a daring robbery of the heavily fortified Fort Knox bullion deposi-tory, and repealing Bush-era tax cuts for the wealthy. more»
Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign

ISSUE 44•33 | 08.13.08 | News

BOONEVILLE, KY—A number of groups withdrew financial support after Cooter Obama punched a swan in the face and mistook Sen. John Kerry for an outhouse. more»
Grandmother Proud To Have Lived Long Enough To See First Viable Female Candidate Torn Apart

ISSUE 44•25 | 06.16.08 | News in Brief

PEORIA, IL—Seventy-six-year-old grandmother Anita Graney told reporters Monday that she was "overwhelmed with pride" for having lived to see... more»
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

ISSUE 44•12 | 03.19.08 | News

CHICAGO—Some residents reported seeing the black guy waving wildly and quoting from the Bible, while others said they spotted him shouting about global warming. more»
Man Who Should Be President Has Asymmetrical Eyebrows

ISSUE 44•09 | 02.26.08 | News in Brief

DAYTON, OH—With a wide-ranging knowledge of both domestic and foreign issues, unflappable composure, and an uncanny ability to reach across the... more»
If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History

ISSUE 43•42 | 10.17.07 | Commentary

My fellow Americans, in the coming presidential election, the voters of this nation will plot a course for the future. There are many candidates,... more»
Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man

ISSUE 43•41 | 10.13.07 | News

BANGOR, ME—"He may not have lived to see it, but I'm sure President Reagan is up in heaven smiling down on me," said the recipient of two crisp five-dollar bills. more»
New Secret Service Agent Disappointed There Are No Decoy Presidents

ISSUE 43•36 | 09.05.07 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Rookie Secret Service agent Daniel Ferris, 32, expressed disappointment Monday upon learning there is not a series of... more»
Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car

ISSUE 43•35 | 08.31.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—"Why can't I go with him? When is he coming back?" a tearful President Bush asked advisers as Karl Rove's sedan disappeared over the horizon. more»
New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot

ISSUE 43•30 | 07.28.07 | News

DALLAS, TX—The fatal trauma to Kennedy's head on Nov. 22, 1963 originated internally, some theorists now allege. more»
Dec. 10, 1936

ISSUE 42•49 | 12.07.06 | History

FDR Rummages Through Parents' House to 'See if There's Anything in There America Could Use' more»
Does Barack Obama Have What It Takes To Become The Lowest-Paid President In American History?

ISSUE 42•43 | 10.27.06 | Sunday Magazine
September 7, 1901

ISSUE 41•36 | 09.07.05 | History

McKinley Attacked By Wild Boar more»
Lesser-Known Presidential Nicknames

ISSUE 41•26 | 06.29.05 | Statshot
June 29, 1919

ISSUE 41•26 | 06.29.05 | History

President Wilson Calls For Creation Of Useless World Governing Body more»
Abraham Lincoln's DNA Now Available Over The Counter

ISSUE 41•25 | 06.23.05 | News in Brief

DC—Responding to pressure from vocal consumer groups and gene-gineering giant Merck-Maibatsu-Pfizer Monday, the FDA announced it will allow the DNA of America's 16th president to be sold without a doctor's prescription. "The legalization of OTC Abe is great news for expectant parents, gene-therapy patients, and history buffs," said MMP marketing director Wayne Lincoln. "Americans will no longer be shackled by the genetic heritage of their forefathers, a tyranny of flesh which condemns all men to be created equal. Now, four score and seven credits will ensure that presidential DNA for the people shall not vanish from the earth." Those using Lincoln's DNA are warned that side effects may include mild gigantism, arthritis, and severe depression. more»
A Female Dolphin President?

ISSUE 41•25 | 06.22.05 | American Voices

Sen. E'eek Finback (D-AO) has already emerged as a frontrunner for the 2057 Democratic presidential nomination, but some say America isn't ready for a female dolphin in the White House. What do you think? more»
The New Lincoln Museum

ISSUE 43•27 ISSUE 41•17 | 04.27.05 | Infographic

The high-tech Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum opened in Springfield, IL last week. What are some of its exhibits? more»
August 8, 1976

ISSUE 40•31 | 08.04.04 | History
Reagan's Memory Honored With Sharp Increase In Federal Budget Deficit

ISSUE 40•24 | 06.16.04 | News in Photos

more»
Memorializing Reagan

ISSUE 40•24 | 06.16.04 | Infographic

People around the world have spent the last week and a half honoring Ronald Reagan. What were some of the events? more»
Reagan's Body Dies

ISSUE 40•23 | 06.09.04 | News in Photos
Report: Presidents Washington Through Bush May Have Lied About Key Matters

ISSUE 38•45 | 12.04.02 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In allegations likely to further erode Americans' faith in the office of the presidency, presidents George Washington through George W. Bush may have lied about key matters of national import during their tenures as chief executive, an independent-counsel investigation asserted Monday. more»
History Teacher Has Unusual Favorite President

ISSUE 38•30 | 08.21.02 | News in Brief

GROVEDALE, MN—Paul Loftus, an 11th-grade history teacher at Grovedale High School, proudly touts his unconventional choice for favorite U.S. president, Calvin Coolidge. "People fail to appreciate how Coolidge essentially rebuilt the presidency after the Harding scandals," said Loftus, who enjoys announcing and discussing his surprise pick whenever possible. "He was also a great diplomat who did much to foster world peace, all despite the tragic death of his son in his first term." Loftus went on to counter the widely held misconception that Coolidge, sometimes known as "Silent Cal," was a serious, humorless man. more»
Gore Begins Training For 2004 Election In Remote Mountain Cabin

ISSUE 38•23 | 06.19.02 | News in Brief

MCCALL, ID—Determined to rebound from his 2000 election defeat, Al Gore has sequestered himself in a remote mountain cabin to train for his 2004 rematch with George W. Bush. "Gotta get in shape," said Gore, running up a hill with a log strapped to his back. "Gonna beat him this time." Gore, who is almost back down to his campaigning weight of 245, then worked on his debate reflexes by chasing chickens around a pen. more»
How The Fuck Was Orderly Supposed To Know That Was Lady Bird Johnson

05.15.02 | Newswire
Citizens To Vote On Young Or Old Reagan For $15 Bill

ISSUE 37•12 | 03.04.01 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC–On the heels of the Ronald Reagan Airport and U.S.S. Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier, citizens can now vote for one of two portraits of the former president to adorn the U.S. Mint's upcoming $15 bill. "Choose either the young, General Electric Theater-era Reagan or the older, second-term-president Reagan," U.S Mint Deputy Director John Mitchell said Monday. Citizens may cast ballots at any FDIC-member bank. All voters will receive a commemorative LeRoy Neiman poster of Reagan delivering his 1981 inaugural address. more»
Albert's Choice

ISSUE 36•28 | 08.16.00 | American Voices

The Democratic National Convention is underway, and much of the focus is on Al Gore's running mate, Joseph Lieberman, an Orthodox Jew. What do you think of the prospect of a Jewish vice-president? more»

presidents

Obama Sort Of Freaked Out After Not Receiving Single E-Mail, Phone Call For Entire Day

Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once

Obama's Deficit-Reduction Plan Includes Spending Cuts, Robbing Fort Knox, Tax Reform

Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign

Grandmother Proud To Have Lived Long Enough To See First Viable Female Candidate Torn Apart

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

Man Who Should Be President Has Asymmetrical Eyebrows

If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History

Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man

New Secret Service Agent Disappointed There Are No Decoy Presidents

Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car

New Theories Suggest Kennedy Wasn't Shot

Dec. 10, 1936

Does Barack Obama Have What It Takes To Become The Lowest-Paid President In American History?

September 7, 1901

Lesser-Known Presidential Nicknames

June 29, 1919

Abraham Lincoln's DNA Now Available Over The Counter

A Female Dolphin President?

The New Lincoln Museum

August 8, 1976

Reagan's Memory Honored With Sharp Increase In Federal Budget Deficit

Memorializing Reagan

Reagan's Body Dies

Report: Presidents Washington Through Bush May Have Lied About Key Matters

History Teacher Has Unusual Favorite President

Gore Begins Training For 2004 Election In Remote Mountain Cabin

How The Fuck Was Orderly Supposed To Know That Was Lady Bird Johnson

Citizens To Vote On Young Or Old Reagan For $15 Bill

Albert's Choice

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan