Products

New Dr Pepper Drink Aimed At Men

ISSUE 47•42 | 10.20.11 | Infographic

Dr Pepper Ten, a new diet soda from the Dr Pepper Snapple Group, is being marketed to men with the slogan "It's not for women." Here are some of the other ways the company is portraying the beverage's masculinity. more»
Dryer Sheets Recalled Due To Danger Of Over Snugglification

ISSUE 47•36 | 09.08.11 | Radio News
Mail-Order Bride Comes In Wrong Color, Size

07.08.10 | Newswire
Thing That Was Popular Before Brought Back In Hopes Of It Still Being Popular

ISSUE 45•42 | 10.13.09 | News in Brief

NEW YORK—Confident that people would once again embrace it as a beloved part of pop culture, steps were taken this week to reintroduce a... more»
Let Me Show You Our New Line Of Bullshit

ISSUE 45•35 | 08.25.09 | Commentary

Excuse me, sir, I couldn't help but notice you checking out our bullshit section over here. Now, most of the people that come in here don't know... more»
Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower

ISSUE 45•33 | 08.14.09 | News

CINCINNATI—"If you have difficult-to-manage hair and a two-hander to contend with, Pantene Pro V2 has got you covered," said spokeswoman Karen Radcliffe. more»
New Prescription Fish Tank Eliminates Need For Glasses While Looking At Fish

ISSUE 45•21 | 05.19.09 | News in Brief

SAGINAW, MI—Executives at Poseidon Aquatic Enclosures announced Monday the launch of a new line of made-to-order fish tanks that can be... more»
Mattress King Selects Wife From Small Wisconsin Village

ISSUE 46•27 ISSUE 45•04 | 01.19.09 | News

OSHKOSH, WI—Following the proclamation, the Mattress King and his retinue celebrated with great relish at Tinker's Pub, where the Wild Turkey did freely flow. more»
T-Shirt Machine Gun To Change The Face Of Promotional Warfare

ISSUE 44•49 | 12.02.08 | News in Brief

LANGLEY, VA—Engineers at the Fun Gun Air Cannon Co. announced Tuesday that initial field tests of the TG-71 Rapid-Fire T-shirt Delivery... more»
Junk E-Mail Falls By Two-Thirds

ISSUE 44•49 | 12.01.08 | American Voices

The amount of spam sent and received dropped last week to 60 billion messages a day—a decrease of 66 percent—after a Web hosting company... more»
Flea Market Vendor Could Possibly Let Unidentifiable Lump Go For $15

ISSUE 44•47 | 11.21.08 | News in Brief

BOISE, ID—Though he claims it to be worth at least twice as much, flea market vendor Roger Jenkins is willing to let an unidentifiable,... more»
Consumer Prices Fall Record Amount

ISSUE 44•47 | 11.21.08 | American Voices

The Consumer Price Index fell a record 1 percent in October, the steepest one month decline in its history. What do you think? more»
Blistex Executive Makes Fool Of Himself At Lip-Balm Conference

ISSUE 44•46 | 11.15.08 | News

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Marketing executive Bernard Ganley first humiliated himself Monday morning when he suggested that applicator tips were a thing of the past. more»
Local Extension Cord Blasted For Failing To Reach Outlet

ISSUE 44•39 | 09.24.08 | News in Brief

STILSON, GA—A local extension cord came under fire Monday when the four-foot length of electrical wiring failed to stretch from the end of... more»
New Nervous-Energy Drink Recreates Feeling Of Waiting For Girl To Call

ISSUE 44•38 | 09.17.08 | News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—According to makers of the nervous-energy drink Pace!, the new beverage provides consumers with the same anxiety, restlessness,... more»
New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars

ISSUE 48•15 ISSUE 44•36 | 09.03.08 | News in Brief

DETROIT—Following the failure of the pizza chain's TV advertisements and coupon flier promotions, the Little Caesars corporate office... more»
Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys

ISSUE 44•35 | 08.30.08 | News

LOS ANGELES—TriStar Products, makers of Jack LaLanne's Power Juicer released a statement saying it was an honor just to be nominated alongside the Total Gym. more»
New Linens-N-Shit Opens

ISSUE 44•31 | 07.28.08 | News

MACON, GA—If buyers can't find shit in the right color or size, the crap they need can be located in heaping piles of overstock shit in the warehouse. more»
Novelty Pencil Worn Down To The Nub

ISSUE 44•14 | 04.01.08 | News in Photos
Samsonite Releases New Roller Wallet

ISSUE 44•09 | 03.04.08 | News in Photos
Kraft Introduces New Kraft Doubles For Couples

ISSUE 44•03 | 01.18.08 | News

NORTHFIELD,IL—Kraft officials claim that this is the first adjoined-cheese product that's both practical and sexy. more»
New Product Can Do All That, More

ISSUE 43•50 | 12.10.07 | News in Brief

MODESTO, CA—According to late-night television sources, a revolutionary new product that can do all of the tasks of several... more»
Law Firm To Purchase One Of Those Big Leather Chairs

ISSUE 43•46 | 11.17.07 | News

DAYTON, OH—"As a respectable law firm, Davis, Cassini & Snyder needs an expensive leather chair that doesn't swivel, raise, or lower," junior partner John Cassini said. more»
As An Upper-Class Gourmand, I Will Settle For Nothing Less Than The Luxury Of Ritz-Brand Snack Crackers

ISSUE 43•45 | 11.07.07 | Commentary

As a member of what might be called the "ultrarich," I have attended some of the finest soirees in the most elegant surroundings in the world.... more»
FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo

ISSUE 43•43 | 10.22.07 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a warning issued by the Food and Drug Administration Monday, a generous amount of Suave Naturals Juicy Green... more»
Overuse Of Enzyme-Based Cleaners May Be Causing Highly Resistant Superstains

ISSUE 43•40 | 10.01.07 | News in Brief

CHICAGO—The American Association of Laundry Workers released a startling new report Thursday warning against the use of enzyme-based... more»
Chinese Authorities Execute 10 Million Recalled Toys

ISSUE 43•39 | 09.24.07 | News

BEIJING—So far, 9 to 10 million faulty toys have been kicked, shocked, hanged, pounded with nails, had their ears severed and eyes gouged out, and then shot. more»
I Couldn't Possibly Accept Your Offer Of Basic Cable Plus Showtime For Just $33 Per Month

ISSUE 43•38 | 09.19.07 | Commentary

Let me start by saying that I am flattered by this gesture. We barely know each other, and you come to me with this—well, there's no other... more»
Historic Pretzels-For-Little Debbie Swap Sparks Heavy Lunchtime Trading

ISSUE 43•36 | 09.07.07 | News

BOULDER, CO—While some were able to make substantial gains, the activity resulted in a flooding of Sun-Maid raisins and an estimated 56 feet of Fruit by the Foot. more»
Streets Of Portland Flooded With Counterfeit Toothbrushes

ISSUE 43•35 | 08.30.07 | News in Brief

PORTLAND, OR—The health-and-beauty-aids market in the Pacific Northwest city of Portland is on the verge of collapse due to the mass... more»

products

New Dr Pepper Drink Aimed At Men

Dryer Sheets Recalled Due To Danger Of Over Snugglification

Mail-Order Bride Comes In Wrong Color, Size

Thing That Was Popular Before Brought Back In Hopes Of It Still Being Popular

Let Me Show You Our New Line Of Bullshit

Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower

New Prescription Fish Tank Eliminates Need For Glasses While Looking At Fish

Mattress King Selects Wife From Small Wisconsin Village

T-Shirt Machine Gun To Change The Face Of Promotional Warfare

Junk E-Mail Falls By Two-Thirds

Flea Market Vendor Could Possibly Let Unidentifiable Lump Go For $15

Consumer Prices Fall Record Amount

Blistex Executive Makes Fool Of Himself At Lip-Balm Conference

Local Extension Cord Blasted For Failing To Reach Outlet

New Nervous-Energy Drink Recreates Feeling Of Waiting For Girl To Call

New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars

Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys

New Linens-N-Shit Opens

Novelty Pencil Worn Down To The Nub

Samsonite Releases New Roller Wallet

Kraft Introduces New Kraft Doubles For Couples

New Product Can Do All That, More

Law Firm To Purchase One Of Those Big Leather Chairs

As An Upper-Class Gourmand, I Will Settle For Nothing Less Than The Luxury Of Ritz-Brand Snack Crackers

FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo

Overuse Of Enzyme-Based Cleaners May Be Causing Highly Resistant Superstains

Chinese Authorities Execute 10 Million Recalled Toys

I Couldn't Possibly Accept Your Offer Of Basic Cable Plus Showtime For Just $33 Per Month

Historic Pretzels-For-Little Debbie Swap Sparks Heavy Lunchtime Trading

Streets Of Portland Flooded With Counterfeit Toothbrushes

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan