Congress Holds Weekend Trust-Building Retreat
LURAY, VA–Seeking to foster a spirit of unity and teamwork between Democrats and Republicans under the new Bush Administration, members of Congress attended a ...
Relationships
Man Knows Unsettling Amount About Nationwide Age-Of-Consent Laws
HAGERSTOWN, MD–During a conversation at work last Friday, drill-press operator Pete Cromartie revealed a disturbing familiarity with various states' age-of-consent laws.
Ex-Girlfriend's Last Electric-Bill Check Remains Uncashed In Area Man's Wallet
BALTIMORE–Ten weeks after girlfriend Jessica Schroeder broke up with him and moved out, Richard Bluff, 24, continues to carry the check for her half ...
Man Who Thought He Was On Date Actually Just At Work-Related Get-Together
BOSTON–Thirty minutes into dinner with co-worker Natalie Cooper, Matthew Rolen, a marketing manager at Novartis Pharmaceuticals, realized Tuesday that what he thought was a ...
Web-Browser History A Chronicle Of Couple's Unspoken Desires
VALLEJO, CA–The web-browser history on Allen and Christine Pollard's home iMac computer provides a comprehensive chronicle of the couple's deepest frustrations and ...
Vatican Warns Against Increasingly Healthy Attitudes Toward Sex
VATICAN CITY–Alarmed by rising rates of pleasurable, mutually fulfilling acts of physical love among Catholics, the Vatican issued a statement Monday warning against healthy ...
Arsenio Hall Writers Still Keeping In Touch
LOS ANGELES– According to former Arsenio Hall Show head writer Garry Schenk, the writing staff of the 1989-94 late-night talk show still keeps in touch ...
Food Critic's Wife Makes The Best Lasagna She Possibly Can
CHARLOTTE, NC– Fran Greaves, wife of Charlotte Observer restaurant critic Paul Greaves, said Monday that she tries to make the best lasagna she possibly can ...
Hypothetical Question Clearly Not Hypothetical
YUMA, AZ– Brad Thorstadt was rattled Monday, when hiking partner and longtime friend Ken Daniels asked him a hypothetical question that clearly was not hypothetical ...
New Girlfriend Tests Poorly With Peer Focus Group
RALEIGH, NC–Preliminary data collected Monday from a focus group of friends indicates that new girlfriend Christine Carr is an unsuitable mate for Evan Lindblad.
Family Spends Awkward, Silent Quality Time Together
AKRON, OH–They say the family that sits silently together stays silently together. And no one proves that old adage better than the Bladners. Whether ...
Area Man's Mother Sizes Up New Girlfriend's Pelvic Span
STILLWATER, OK–During an evening social call Monday, Emily Dahlgren carefully sized up the pelvic span of her son Matt's new girlfriend, evaluating her ...
My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch
About a month ago, I got a new computer here at my reception desk at the dentist's office, and, boy, does that thing have ...
Break-Up Made Easier With Colorful Visual Aids
HUNTINGTON, WV—Stephanie Duquette utilized colorful graphs to provide an eye-catching presentation of Chris Straub's failings as a boyfriend.
Area Boyfriend Keeps Bringing Up Scrabble Victory
PLYMOUTH, NH–Evan Riedel has made reference to his Sept. 6 Scrabble victory over girlfriend Amy Vanderploeg "about 200 friggin' times" in the days since ...
