Neglect Of Wife, Children Results In Promotion
NEWARK, NJ—Six years of familial neglect netted longtime Prudential Insurance employee Walt Arness a major promotion to national vice-president of accounting Monday. "Well done ...
Relationships
MIT Researchers Discover Each Other
CAMBRIDGE, MA–While attempting to isolate a gene believed to be key to the development of the autoimmune disorder myasthenia gravis Monday, MIT geneticists Dr ...
Cell-Phone User Promises Girlfriend, Entire Post Office He'll Try To Change
RALEIGH, NC—Speaking on his cell phone while waiting in line to buy stamps Monday, Brad McCall assured girlfriend Stephanie Green, as well as 14 ...
Unattractive Man Just Like A Brother To Area Woman
OLYMPIA, WA—Slightly paunchy, thin-haired Robert Pelton, 27, is just like a brother to area musician Tara Leland, the attractive blonde said Monday.
Area Woman Not About To Miss Ally McBeal For That
ROCHESTER, NY—At approximately 10 p.m. Thursday, 41-year-old Rochester resident Connie Smoller informed her husband Patrick that she isn't about to miss Ally ...
She's Probably Sleeping With Him Right Now, Local Man Obsesses
CORVALLIS, OR—Given that she is not at her sister's, aunt's or best friend Erika's, was not at her desk any of ...
T.A. Spotted At Bar
STATE COLLEGE, PA—Teaching assistant Drew Phelan was witnessed talking and laughing at an area bar Monday.
Hundreds Of Thousands Of Sad, Lonely People Waiting To Take Your Call
OMAHA, NE—A friendless, deeply depressed wretch trapped in a sterile cubicle will be happy to assist you with your order.
Lone Man With Six-Pack 'Partying'
TUCSON, AZ—A party is reportedly underway at 2614 Arcadia Ave., where homeowner Glen Schlatter and no one else is enjoying a six-pack of Olympia ...
Clinton Meets With Guy With Tie
WASHINGTON, DC—The two men greeted each other, exchanged polite small talk, and waved cordially to the press.
Soulmate Dropped For New, Better Soulmate
BLOOMINGTON, IN—The deep and abiding love shared by soulmates Andrew Colton and Brenda Smolensk ended Monday, when Colton broke up with Smolensk to go ...
Wedding Catering Cart Videotaped For Posterity
PAWTUCKET, RI—As part of uncle-of-the-bride Ronald Schwepp's extensive coverage of the Schwepp-Ploman wedding, a reception-dinner catering cart was videotaped for posterity Saturday.
Subject Of Phone Bill Delicately Broached
ATHENS, GA—The subject of a $174.76 phone bill was delicately broached Monday, when Jeff DeSilva, 21, casually asked roommate Chad Morris if he ...
Woman Angered When Veiled Anger Expressed As Mock Anger Is Interpreted As Real Anger
CHEEKTOWAGA, NY—Anger was the order of the day Tuesday, when area resident Gwen McCullers, 41, reacted angrily to husband Craig's insinuation that she ...
Lookalike Couple Vaguely Disquieting
GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Friends and family of Russell Tonelli are expressing a "creepy sort of unease" at the distinct visual similarities between the 33-year-old Grand ...
Overweight Man Repeatedly Introduced To Overweight Woman At Party
ALTOONA, PA—Over the course of a five-hour party Saturday, 315-pound Gene Cooper was introduced to 288-pound Cynthia Lerman nine times. "Once or twice an ...
Red-Lace Nightie Portends Another Excruciating Night For Closeted Husband
CLARKSTON, GA—A red-lace nightgown, barely covering area resident Amanda Yetter's body, sent waves of dread through husband and closeted homosexual Eric Yetter Friday.
Hot Girl Mentions Boyfriend Three Hours Into Conversation
PORTLAND, OR—After a stimulating three-hour conversation about personal philosophies, career aspirations and their shared passion for Thai food, tennis and Billy Joel, Portland State ...
