Religion
Local Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On Yelp
DES MOINES, IA—With complaints about everything from “raggedy prayer mats” to “the grimiest ablution fountain ever,” local Muslims have slammed the al-Wali Mosque on ...
Bold New Pope Shows Crowd In Saint Peter's Square How To Apply Condom
VATICAN CITY—Less than a week after succeeding Pope Benedict XVI as the next Bishop of Rome and inheriting a deeply divided Catholic Church, Pope ...
Who Is Pope Francis?
After less than 24 hours of deliberation, the College of Cardinals has elected Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina to become the Roman Catholic Church ...
Pope Insanity MXLV Selected
VATICAN CITY—Following the ceremonial rising of the white smoke and pealing of the St. Peter’s Basilica bells earlier this afternoon, black clouds suddenly ...
How The Papal Conclave Selects The Pope
The Vatican’s College of Cardinals will use an arcane, centuries-old process to select the next pope when it convenes the papal conclave this week.
God Worried He Fucked Up His Children
THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind ...
Poll: 99% Of Human Beings Would Prefer Big, Slobbery Hound Dog Pope
WASHINGTON—Ahead of the College of Cardinals’ upcoming conclave to select a new pope, a Gallup poll conducted this week found that 99 percent of ...
God: At Times It Felt Like The Pope Had One Foot Out The Door
The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.
Pope Benedict Stops By Prayer Writers' Room To Say Goodbye
VATICAN CITY—Making the rounds at Vatican City Thursday as he said a final goodbye to colleagues on his last day as pontiff, Pope Benedict ...
Retiring Pope Vows To Continue Drawing 'Papalpuss' Comic Strip
VATICAN CITY—Speaking to reporters for the final time as head of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI vowed Wednesday that he would continue ...
Highlights Of Benedict XVI's Papacy
After nearly eight years heading the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will retire from the papacy on Thursday.
Cardinals Host Going-Away Party At Pope's Favorite Vatican City Dive Bar
VATICAN CITY—Following Pope Benedict XVI’s announcement that he will resign the papacy at the end of the month, a group of cardinals reportedly ...
Pope Accepts Senior Analyst Position At Catholic Think Tank
VATICAN CITY—Just hours after announcing his resignation from the papacy Monday, Pope Benedict XVI confirmed that he had accepted a lucrative senior analyst position ...
Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward
VATICAN CITY—Citing his advancing age and deteriorating health, Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from the papacy Monday, saying he no longer possessed the ...
God Admits Humans Not Most Impressive Creation
'It's Mountains,' Says Divine Being
THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH—The Lord our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, announced Wednesday that He considered mountains, not mankind, to ...
