PROVIDENCE, RI—After years of budget cuts and downsizing, Brown University's Semiotics Department lashed out at school administrators Monday, accusing them of "blatant anti-semiotism ...
ORANGEBURG, SC—Solid Snake does not know why God deems it necessary for him to endlessly repeat his mission.
VATICAN CITY–In the first papal edict against a time of day since 1560, Pope John Paul II declared the two-and-a-half-hour interval between 3 a ...
PORTLAND, ME–According to parishioners at St. Luke's Episcopal Church, Mary Raines, 58, has "not been the same" since her unsuccessful audition for the ...
NEW HAVEN, CT—The new diagnosis helps explain the contradictory aspects of the cosmos that have baffled theologians for years.
HEAVEN–Exasperated after a string of bad dates, Catholic martyr St. Jude vowed Monday never to respond to another personals ad. "Man, talk about hopeless ...
VATICAN CITY–As the health of Pope John Paul II erodes and, with it, the next papal election draws near, many Catholic Church officials have ...
GASTONIA, SC–Eight months ago, Larry Dunne was alone. He didn't have a friend in the world. But all that changed with his baptism ...
VATICAN CITY–Alarmed by rising rates of pleasurable, mutually fulfilling acts of physical love among Catholics, the Vatican issued a statement Monday warning against healthy ...
STERLING CITY, TX–A plastic statue of St. Christopher, the Catholic Church's patron saint of motorists, was found embedded in the forehead of local ...
CRYSTAL LAKE, IL–Despite his deep commitment to the sanctity and seriousness of the Word of God, Pastor Clark Lundegaard likes to incorporate a little ...
DURHAM, NC–According to a Duke University report released Monday, all of your hopes and dreams are no more than splinters at your feet, swept ...
LIBERTYVILLE, IL–Responding to a fourth-quarter cry from diehard Chicago Bears fan Lester Ruddick, God damned the Minnesota Vikings Sunday. "Players and employees of the ...
TOPEKA, KS–The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms decay into greater states of ...
LAKE OF FIRE, HELL–Eternally tormented soul Brent Woodson, who is currently being pressed between white-hot slabs of iron, expressed "profound regret" Monday that he ...
The Democratic National Convention is underway, and much of the focus is on Al Gore's running mate, Joseph Lieberman, an Orthodox Jew. What do ...
NEONTA, NY–A cabbage maggot called a press conference Tuesday to reveal "urgent" news concerning humanity and the afterlife. "First and foremost, I can tell ...
