Scandal

Secret Service's Prostitution Scandal Did Not Affect President's Security, White House Adviser Madame Chartreuse Says

ISSUE 48•18 | 05.02.12 | News in Brief

WASHINGTON—The alleged misconduct of Secret Service personnel accused of soliciting prostitutes in Colombia last month did not at any time compromise President Obama's security, longtime White House adviser Madame Chartreuse said during a press conf... more»
Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

ISSUE 46•10 | 03.12.10 | American Voices

After resigning amidst allegations of sexual harassment, former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) told Larry King and Glenn Beck that he was targeted by the... more»
Missionaries Charged With Kidnapping In Haiti

ISSUE 46•05 | 02.08.10 | American Voices

Ten American missionaries were charged with kidnapping after trying to take 33 Haitian children—some orphans, some not—across the border to the... more»
Conan May Leave 'Tonight'

ISSUE 46•02 | 01.13.10 | American Voices

Saying that he doesn't want to take part in the destruction of the Tonight Show legacy, Conan O'Brien announced he will step down from the... more»
Department Of Interior Employee Caught Embezzling 50,000 Wolves

ISSUE 46•01 | 01.04.10 | News in Brief

BILLINGS, MT—In what is being called the largest wildlife embezzlement scheme in more than 40 years, Department of Interior employee Stephen... more»
Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

ISSUE 45•39 | 09.25.09 | American Voices

Actress Mackenzie Phillips, star of One Day At A Time, writes in her new memoir that she had a consensual sexual relationship with her father,... more»
Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child

ISSUE 45•39 | 09.23.09 | American Voices

According to an ex-aide, former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards may have fathered a child with a videographer on his campaign staff.... more»
Sanford Vows To Complete Term

ISSUE 45•35 | 08.28.09 | American Voices

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared for several days in June to visit his Argentine lover, has stated that he will not resign... more»
'American Idol' Results Tainted?

ISSUE 45•22 | 05.29.09 | American Voices

AT&T, one of the biggest sponsors of American Idol, has been accused of skewing the results for winner Kris Allen by distributing mobile... more»
Illinois Corruption Timeline

ISSUE 45•10 | 03.03.09 | Infographic

The controversy surrounding Illinois senator Roland Burris is only the latest chapter in a long history of political corruption in the Land of... more»
The Onion's 2008 In Review: Politics

ISSUE 44•52 | 12.17.08 | American Voices

In 2008, two Democratic governors, Eliot Spitzer of New York and Rod Blagojevich of Illinois, were disgraced by illegal activities. What do... more»
Illinois Governor Arrested

ISSUE 44•51 | 12.11.08 | American Voices

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday on corruption charges stemming from an alleged conspiracy to sell or trade the Senate seat left... more»
In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume

ISSUE 44•48 | 11.24.08 | Newsroom

The pardon assures that Libby will not face any more repercussions for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal or be eaten on Thanksgiving. more»
Spitzer Not Charged

ISSUE 44•46 | 11.10.08 | American Voices

Disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer will not be charged for his role in a recent prostitution scandal that brought down his... more»
Burned Lower Half Of Mort's Face Revealed In 'Bazooka Joe' Stunner

ISSUE 44•44 | 11.01.08 | News

NEW YORK—"The shocking unveiling of that blistered face is a paradigm shift on a scale never before seen in bubble-gum literature," said artist Martin Shore. more»
Sen. Stevens Found Guilty

ISSUE 44•44 | 10.30.08 | American Voices

Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) was found guilty of ethics violations for not reporting expensive gifts, including $250,000 worth of home improvements from... more»
Ryan O'Neal, Son Arrested For Drugs

ISSUE 44•38 | 09.19.08 | American Voices

Actor Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond were arrested in their home on suspected possession of methamphetamine. What do you think? more»
Letter D Pulls Sponsorship From Sesame Street

ISSUE 44•26 ISSUE 42•06 | 06.25.08 | Radio News
I Strongly Disagree With Connellsville High School's Choice For The John Philip Sousa Award

ISSUE 44•03 | 01.16.08 | Commentary

It is with heavy heart that I, John Philip Sousa, composer and patriot, address you today for the purpose of setting right a great injustice.... more»
Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

ISSUE 43•42 | 01.02.08 | Newsroom

For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008. more»
I'm The U.N. Undersecretary Your Mother Warned You About

ISSUE 43•50 | 12.12.07 | Commentary

From the moment I showed up at the General Assembly, the other countries knew I was trouble. They took one look at my three- button navy suit... more»
Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons

ISSUE 43•42 | 10.19.07 | News

LOS ANGELES—"McCluskey's a good man, but he needs to clean up his act," Chief William J. Bratton said. "Same goes for Conroy, Peterman, Tobias, and Black." more»
Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full Of Stolen Horsey Sauce

ISSUE 43•38 | 09.21.07 | News in Brief

ATLANTA—Arby's CEO Roland Smith was arrested and charged with unlawful possession of a controlled condiment Tuesday when a Georgia state... more»
14 American Apparel Models Freed In Daring Midnight Raid

ISSUE 43•38 | 09.19.07 | News

LOS ANGELES—"There were girls everywhere," FBI agent Curtis Froman said. "Draped over furniture, sprawled spread-eagled in the corner, and huddled close like animals." more»
Barry Bonds Not Certain He'll Be Present For His 756th Home Run

ISSUE 43•31 | 08.02.07 | Sports News in Brief

SAN FRANCISCO—Barry Bonds added his voice to the chorus of criticism surrounding his inevitable breaking of the all-time home-run record... more»
How Athletes Beat Steroid Testing

ISSUE 43•31 | 08.02.07 | Sportsgraphic

As performance-enhancing drugs become increasingly sophisticated, so do the methods for detecting their use. Onion Sports explains some of the... more»
No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song

ISSUE 43•29 | 07.18.07 | News

LOS ANGELES—Neither rejected American Idol contestants nor Diddy have come forward as creators of the song, whose sole lyrics are "Baby baby, Luvya girl." more»
White-On-White Violence Claims Life Of Accounts Receivable Supervisor

ISSUE 43•18 | 05.01.07 | News in Brief

POYNETTE, WI—Foul play is suspected in the death of an accounts receivable supervisor for a regional office-supply company, sheriff's... more»
Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight

ISSUE 43•13 | 03.26.07 | News

NASSAU, BAHAMAS—Some weight-loss experts do not find Smith's achievement inspirational, claiming that such drastic dieting can lead to a dangerous loss of muscle mass. more»
Walter Reed Head Fired

ISSUE 43•10 | 03.06.07 | American Voices

Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced last week that Francis J. Harvey, the head of Walter Reed Army Medical Center, which is under investigation... more»

scandal

Secret Service's Prostitution Scandal Did Not Affect President's Security, White House Adviser Madame Chartreuse Says

Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

Missionaries Charged With Kidnapping In Haiti

Conan May Leave 'Tonight'

Department Of Interior Employee Caught Embezzling 50,000 Wolves

Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child

Sanford Vows To Complete Term

'American Idol' Results Tainted?

Illinois Corruption Timeline

The Onion's 2008 In Review: Politics

Illinois Governor Arrested

In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume

Spitzer Not Charged

Burned Lower Half Of Mort's Face Revealed In 'Bazooka Joe' Stunner

Sen. Stevens Found Guilty

Ryan O'Neal, Son Arrested For Drugs

Letter D Pulls Sponsorship From Sesame Street

I Strongly Disagree With Connellsville High School's Choice For The John Philip Sousa Award

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

I'm The U.N. Undersecretary Your Mother Warned You About

Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons

Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full Of Stolen Horsey Sauce

14 American Apparel Models Freed In Daring Midnight Raid

Barry Bonds Not Certain He'll Be Present For His 756th Home Run

How Athletes Beat Steroid Testing

No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song

White-On-White Violence Claims Life Of Accounts Receivable Supervisor

Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight

Walter Reed Head Fired

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan