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    Social Media

    Yahoo Back On Top After Purchasing Millions Of 13-Year-Old Girls’ Blogs

    News in Brief • ISSUE 49•21 • May 20, 2013
    SUNNYVALE, CA—Finally overcoming competition from the likes of Google, Microsoft, and AOL, internet corporation Yahoo firmly re-secured its place as an industry leader after ...

    Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be Fucking Delusional

    News in Brief • ISSUE 49•20 • May 15, 2013
    SALEM, OR—Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic ...

    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

    News With Video • ISSUE 49•18 • May 3, 2013
    MARIETTA, GA—Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman ...

    VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot

    Today Now! • ISSUE 49•16 • Apr 18, 2013
    Ryan Jurgens rode the bench most of the season, but when his coach gave him a chance, it really paid off!

    Internet Comes Up With 8.5 Million Leads On Potential Boston Bombing Suspect

    News • ISSUE 49•16 • Apr 17, 2013
    WASHINGTON—In the wake of Monday’s terrorist bombing at the Boston Marathon, sources reported today the internet had come up with approximately 8.5 ...

    Leading Social Media Site HarvardConnection Now Valued At $400 Billion

    News • ISSUE 49•15 • Apr 10, 2013
    MENLO PARK, CA—Dawn breaks across San Francisco Bay, and on this brisk April day the only sound disturbing the morning quiet is the steady ...

    Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

    News With Video • ISSUE 49•13 • Mar 28, 2013
    CHICAGO—Saying that he’s probably done all he could possibly do at this point, Twitter user Aaron Gartner confirmed Tuesday that after posting 10 ...

    Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

    News With Video • ISSUE 49•08 • Feb 21, 2013
    BOISE, ID—As he browsed the social networking site Facebook last night, local man Aaron Neutzling, 24, reportedly panicked after realizing that in the course ...

    Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

    Onion Special Report • ISSUE 49•08 • Feb 21, 2013
    As he browsed the social networking site Facebook last night, local man Aaron Neutzling, 24, reportedly panicked after realizing that in the course of the ...

    Friend's Mom Tearing It Up On Facebook

    News in Brief • ISSUE 49•04 • Jan 23, 2013
    PORTLAND, ME—Friends of area man Nick Overbeck confirmed today that the 26-year-old’s mother has been absolutely ripping it up on Facebook over the ...

    Man Just Going To Go Ahead And Use His Salary As His Online Dating Username

    Newswire • ISSUE 49•02 • Jan 12, 2013
    Man Just Going To Go Ahead And Use His Salary As His Online Dating Username

    Area Woman Decides Not To Post Facebook Status That Would Have Tipped Gun Control Debate

    News in Brief • ISSUE 49•02 • Jan 11, 2013
    AURORA, IL—The contentious debate on gun control will continue unresolved after local woman Theresa Delacroix opted Friday not to post an anti-gun message on ...

    Army Commander Depressed After Reading Facebook Comments On Latest Raid

    News in Brief • ISSUE 49•01 • Jan 7, 2013
    KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Checking the Defense Department’s official Facebook page Monday to browse updates and comments from users, U.S.

    Pope Reaches Out To Catholic Youth By Joining Twitter, Giving Up On Catholicism

    ONNCast • ISSUE 48•50 • Dec 12, 2012
    In an effort to reach today's youth, Pope Benedict has joined Twitter and completely stopped going to church and believing in God.

    Pope Tweets Picture Of Self With God

    News in Brief • ISSUE 48•49 • Dec 5, 2012
    MIAMI—In his first post since joining social networking site Twitter early this week, Pope Benedict XVI has tweeted a picture of himself spending time ...

    'I Am A Brand,' Pathetic Man Says

    News • ISSUE 48•48 • Nov 29, 2012
    SEATTLE—Sad, pathetic local web developer and blogger Phillip Cathin, 34, told reporters today that he sees himself as “a brand.” The pitiful man, who ...

    Area Woman Finally Uploads All 12 Million Pictures Of Her Vacation To Europe On Facebook

    News • ISSUE 48•47 • Nov 19, 2012
    WINSTON-SALEM, NC—A laborious eight-month-long task came to an end for Facebook user Arielle Stevens on Monday, as the college junior finally finished uploading the ...

    Palestinian Family Trapped Under Rubble Thrilled To Hear 'Gaza' Trending On Twitter

    News in Brief • ISSUE 48•46 • Nov 15, 2012
    BEIT LAHIA, GAZA STRIP—As her husband and three children remained trapped beneath burning debris from an Israeli airstrike, Gaza resident Adliya al-Haddad, 34, told ...

    Savvy Man Registers 'Sleepy Romney' Twitter Account Just In Case Candidate Looks Tired

    News in Brief • ISSUE 48•42 • Oct 16, 2012
    EUGENE, OR—Ingenious, quick-thinking local man Pete Sidell, 29, demonstrated his uncanny cultural savviness today by registering a "Sleepy Romney" Twitter account he can use ...

    Man Who Cried Himself To Sleep Last Night Has Some Great Ideas For Growing Company's Brand

    News in Brief • ISSUE 48•40 • Oct 7, 2012
    NEW YORK—Marketing strategist Garrett Brooks, who reportedly cried himself to sleep Sunday while thinking about how much of his life he’s wasted and ...
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