Sports Culture

On 20 Years Since Magic Johnson Announced He Was HIV Positive

ISSUE 47•46 | 11.12.11 | Fan On The Street
Revelations From Shaq’s New Book

ISSUE 47•46 | 11.11.11 | Sportsgraphic

Shaquille O'Neal's frank and unflinching autobiography Shaq Uncut: My Story hits store shelves this week. more»
Bill Simmons Somehow Still Writing About 2010 NBA Season

ISSUE 47•43 | 11.02.11 | Sports News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—With the NBA lockout having already resulted in the cancellation of many games this fall, ESPN.com and Grantland columnist Bill Simmons is somehow managing to churn out upwards of 3,000 words per week on the NBA by continuing to write ab... more»
Great Reffing Gets Ref Laid

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•43 | 10.28.11 | Sports Newswire
Sad, Pathetic Minnesota Fans Will Take A Win In Any Sport

ISSUE 47•42 | 10.21.11 | Photo Finish
On Whether Hockey Can Replace The Locked-Out NBA

ISSUE 47•42 | 10.14.11 | Fan On The Street
Lone Post On Jaguars Fan Message Board Requests Directions To Stadium

ISSUE 47•41 | 10.12.11 | Sports News in Brief

JACKSONVILLE, FL—The only post on JagsBoard, a dedicated Jacksonville Jaguars fan page on which even spambots have not bothered to post, is an unanswered question from 2003 asking for help getting to the team’s stadium, sources confirmed Monday. more»
Nation's Brothers-In-Law Know Exactly What They Want For Christmas

ISSUE 47•41 | 10.11.11 | Sports News in Brief

EVERYWHERE—The country's brothers-in-law released a statement Tuesday announcing their unparalleled desire to receive an expertly written, tangible anthology of sports and sports-culture journalism for Christmas. more»
Nation's Sports Fans Demand To Spend $21.99 On Something

ISSUE 47•41 | 10.08.11 | News in Brief

UNITED STATES—In cities across the nation, thousands of sports fans rallied together this weekend to demand the world provide them with something to purchase for $21.99, ideally something that would offer immediate enjoyment in addition to providing long-term keepsake value. more»
The Great Sports Books

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•41 | 10.07.11 | Sportsgraphic

To mark the publication of The Ecstasy Of Defeat, The Onion takes a look at the proud tradition of sports literature. more»
Great Players' Worst Games

ISSUE 47•40 | 09.30.11 | Sportsgraphic

Even the great ones have off days, as Tom Brady found out against the Bills. Onion Sports lists the worst games of the very best. more»
On Tony Romo Throwing Game Away Against Jets

ISSUE 47•38 | 09.15.11 | Fan On The Street
Grown Men Inspired By Stupid Little Sign Hanging In Locker Room

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•36 | 09.09.11 | Sports News

ST. LOUIS—A group of fully grown men felt inspired Saturday by a stupid little sign hanging in a locker room and expressed their exhilaration by shouting, clapping their hands, and jumping around, baffled eyewitnesses confirmed. “It motivates ... more»
Three More Syrians Killed As Tom Weighs Merits Of Drafting Neil Rackers

ISSUE 47•36 | 09.06.11 | Sports News in Brief

EMPORIA, KS—Three civilians attending a pro-democracy demonstration in Syria were shot dead by their government’s armed forces Tuesday while local man Tom Burchett was reportedly trying to decide whether or not to draft Neil Rackers with his f... more»
Top 2011 College Football Matchups

ISSUE 47•36 | 09.02.11 | Sportsgraphic

Another great college season is upon us, and Onion Sports analysts have made their picks for the year’s most thrilling games. more»
Attractive, Diverse Peer Group Gathers For Popular Refreshments, High-Definition Sports Broadcast

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•34 | 08.19.11 | Sports News

UNITED STATES—A racially diverse group gathered in the living room of a stylish and well-appointed apartment earlier this week to enjoy various snack items, moderate amounts of low-calorie alcoholic beverages, and the company of other attractive you... more»
Most Memorable Hall Of Fame Speeches

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•33 | 08.12.11 | Sportsgraphic

Last weekend, Shannon Sharpe's tribute to his brother and Deion Sanders' strange humility were two reminders of the heights that sports hall of fame speeches can reach. more»
On Cadel Evans Winning The Tour De France

ISSUE 47•30 | 07.29.11 | Fan On The Street
Shaq Prepares For New TNT Job By Doing Research On Talking

ISSUE 47•30 | 07.26.11 | Sports News in Brief

ORLANDO, FL—In an effort to prepare for his new analyst job on TNT’s Inside The NBA, 15-time All-Star center Shaquille O’Neal has reportedly spent the past two weeks gathering “crucial data” by studying reference books... more»
'Sports' Wins 11th Consecutive ESPY For 'Best Thing'

ISSUE 47•29 | 07.19.11 | Sports News in Brief

LAS VEGAS—As expected, Wednesday night's ESPN awards culminated in a win for the recreational competitive activity 'Sports' in the Best Thing category, soundly beating perennial runners-up Girls, Food and Beverages, and Consumer Electronics for the ... more»
Cleveland Pathetically Celebrates Greatest Sports Moment In City’s History

ISSUE 47•25 | 06.17.11 | Sports News

CLEVELAND—As the Dallas Mavericks sealed their NBA Finals victory over LeBron James and the Miami Heat Sunday night, the citizens of Cleveland participated in a joyous, exuberant, and extremely pathetic celebration of their city's greatest-ever spor... more»
Revelations In The New ESPN Book

ISSUE 47•24 | 06.10.11 | Sportsgraphic

Those Guys Have All The Fun, a history of ESPN published last month, gives readers a behind-the-scenes look at the sports network that began on a landfill in Bristol, CT and soon became a broadcasting giant. more»
Dick Ebersol

ISSUE 47•22 | 05.29.11 | Strongside/Weakside
Lance Armstrong: I Never Failed One Of Those Shitty, Easy-To-Fool Doping Tests

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•21 | 05.27.11 | Sports News in Brief

AUSTIN, TX—Embattled seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong held a press conference this morning to sternly reiterate that during his career he passed every easy-to-mask, ineffective doping test he was ever given. more»
Neurologists Implore Professional Athletes To Wait Until They Are Dead To Send In Brains For Research

ISSUE 47•51 ISSUE 47•21 | 05.23.11 | Sports News in Brief

ST. PAUL—The American Academy of Neurology issued a statement this week urging professional athletes with suspected concussions to wait until they are deceased before sending in their brains for research. more»
On Phoenix Suns Executive Rick Welts Coming Out

ISSUE 47•21 | 05.20.11 | Fan On The Street
On Geoffrey Mutai’s World-Record Boston Marathon

ISSUE 47•16 | 04.22.11 | Fan On The Street
Notable Sports Collapses

ISSUE 47•15 | 04.15.11 | Sportsgraphic

Rory McIlroy went into the final round of the Masters with a four-stroke lead, but shot eight over on the last 18 holes, flailing uselessly all day. Add his meltdown to this list of all-time great collapses: more»
Area Man Already Tired Of Adjusting His Fantasy Baseball Roster

ISSUE 47•14 | 04.13.11 | Sports News in Brief

SAN JOSE, CA—Two weeks into the 2011 Major League Baseball season, 27-year-old Fred Romero has already begun complaining about the amount of time it takes to manage his fantasy baseball team, sources confirmed Wednesday. more»
The Red Carpet Turns Redder With A Special OSNYs Edition Of Who Would You Kill

ISSUE 47•11 | 03.16.11 | SportsDome

The Who Would You Kill boys let loose on the red carpet celebs at the OSNYs, with special guest killer Kevin Slowey of the Minnesota Twins. more»

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