South Africa Realizes All Its Things Were Stolen During World Cup
JOHANNESBURG—Although the nation is receiving positive reviews of its job hosting the 2010 FIFA World Cup, South Africa was shocked to discover Monday that ...
Sports Year In Review 2010
Despite Repeated Attempts To Tear It Down, Massive LeBron James Mural Keeps Reappearing
CLEVELAND—Shocked Cleveland residents stared silently Thursday as workers tried for the 11th consecutive day to dismantle the massive black-and-white "We Are All Witnesses" LeBron ...
Umpire's Perfect Game Goes Completely Unnoticed
SEATTLE—Mariner fans unknowingly witnessed history Monday when veteran umpire Tony Candeleo became only the 11th umpire in major-league history to call a perfect officiating ...
Manny Embarks On Journey To Find Legendary Realm Of Batlantis
LOS ANGELES—In his ongoing quest to find the finest and most powerful baseball bat ever crafted, Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez embarked on an epic ...
Tiger Woods Begins Sobbing Uncontrollably On 5th Hole Of U.S. Open
PEBBLE BEACH, CA—Overcome by problems in his personal life, an inability to get his golf game in order, and his foundering public image, Tiger ...
South African Vuvuzela Philharmonic Angered By Soccer Games Breaking Out During Concerts
JOHANNESBURG—Members of the South Africa Vuvuzela Philharmonic Orchestra, widely considered to be among the best large-scale monotonic wind instrument ensembles in the world, told ...
Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
Plagued for years by swirling rumors about its sexuality, soccer has finally come out, becoming the world's first openly gay sport.
Most Thrilling Playoffs In Recent Memory Unfortunately Happen In Hockey
PHILADELPHIA—The most riveting, nail-biting, and story-laden playoff series in the past several years of professional sports had the misfortune of reaching its amazing overtime ...
Joe Montana To Lose One Super Bowl Ring For Every Dumb Product He Endorses
NEW YORK—After years of sitting idly by as Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana lent his name to Tombstone frozen pizza, McCormick spices and ...
Nation Undecided On Whether It Hates Celtics Or Lakers More
WASHINGTON—The NBA Finals have thrown the nation's basketball fans into a state of angry confusion this week, as the bitter debate over whether ...
Nation's Soccer Fan Becoming Insufferable
WILMINGTON, DE—As the 2010 World Cup approaches, friends, family, and coworkers of 32-year-old Brad Janovich are growing less tolerant of the exuberant behavior of ...
Mike Brown Claims He Was Scapegoat For Cavaliers Terrible Coaching
CLEVELAND—In response to his recent firing, former Cavaliers head coach Mike Brown said at a press conference Wednesday that he was unfairly singled out ...
President Obama Mentions He'd Like To See LeBron James In Chicago, Also That He's Leader Of The Free World
WASHINGTON—President of the United States, basketball fan, and former Chicago resident Barack Obama once again weighed in on the future of LeBron James Wednesday ...
Nation Just Finding Out That Flyers Came Back From 3-0 Deficit By Reading This Right Now
BOSTON—The Philadelphia Flyers came back from three games down to defeat the Boston Bruins in their best-of-seven playoff series last week, a historic feat ...
Fluid Just Happy To Have Had Opportunity To Build Up In Kobe Bryant's Knee
LOS ANGELES—Calling the experience "a true honor" and "the opportunity of a lifetime," the infected synovial fluid recently drained from Kobe Bryant's right ...
Lawrence Taylor Asks Exactly Which 16-Year-Old Prostitute Reporters Are Talking About
NEW YORK—Hall of Fame Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor responded to allegations that he raped a minor by asking reporters at a press conference Monday ...
