David Ortiz Getting Paid $13 Million, By The Way
BOSTON—According to official MLB statistics available as of press time, struggling Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz is hitting only .200 and has tallied ...
Sports Year In Review 2010
LeBron James Speaks Out Against Terrible Conditions Of Referee Camps
CLEVELAND—Cavaliers forward LeBron James railed against the harsh conditions of referee camps in the developing world Wednesday, calling attention to the plight of millions ...
Russell Athletic Sheepishly Introduces New Cup
BOWLING GREEN, KY—Claiming that "today's more active athlete needs better protection for his, well, come on, you know," sports equipment manufacturer Russell Athletic ...
The 'Sports Illustrated' Cover Jinx
For decades it's been assumed that making the cover of Sports Illustrated equals bad luck.
Utah Fans Concerned As Jazz Break Huddle By Shouting 'Kill The Mormons'
SALT LAKE CITY—An uneasy sense of anxiety overtook the crowd at EnergySolutions Arena Sunday as fans watched a pumped-up Jazz team break their pregame ...
Bill Belichick Drops Off Recent Draft Picks In Middle Of Nowhere, Tells Them To Find Way Back
UNNAMED DESERT—After providing his 2010 draft picks with only two canteens of water, a flashlight, and a cheap compass, New England Patriots head coach ...
Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win
Fresh from his Blue Grass Stakes win, Hollins moves onto the Kentucky Derby where he hopes to be the first to mercilessly beat a horse ...
Heroic SWAT Team Stops NFL Draft Countdown Clock With One Second Remaining
NEW YORK—Law enforcement specialists who responded to reports of a ticking draft timer at Radio City Music Hall Thursday night are being praised for ...
Long-Standing, League-Wide Practical Joke Culminates In Sam Bradford Not Being Picked In NFL Draft
NEW YORK—In what many are calling the greatest prank in the history of professional sports, an elaborate, far-reaching practical joke to trick Sam Bradford ...
All Sports To Cease So Skip Bayless Has Nothing To Talk About
NEW YORK—Expressing regret that joyless, wrongheaded ESPN commentator and attack journalist Skip Bayless could not be dealt with otherwise, commissioners from every major professional ...
Donovan McNabb: 'I'd Like To Thank The Ungrateful, Over-Expecting,Oftentimes-Racist Fans Of Philadelphia'
WASHINGTON—During an emotionally charged press conference Monday, newly minted Redskins...
Tiger Woods Followed Everywhere At Masters By Sex Addiction Sponsor
AUGUSTA, GA—Sources close to Tiger Woods confirmed Friday that, due to the large number of women expected to attend this year's Masters...
Seeing Ken Griffey Jr. In Backwards Hat Now Just Depressing
SEATTLE—Baseball fans across the nation admitted Monday that the sight of Ken Griffey Jr. in a backwards baseball cap—an iconic image that once ...
NCAA Tournament Proving That Mid-Major Semi-Upper-Lower-Middle-Mids Should Be Taken Seriously
INDIANAPOLIS—When Ali Farokhmanesh hit his game-winning shot to lift ninth-seed Northern Iowa over top-ranked Kansas last Saturday, it was a true Cinderella moment for ...
Cornell Drains Fun Out Of Cinderella Run By Explaining How On A Long Enough Timeline The Improbable Becomes Probable
SYRACUSE, NY—Despite overcoming long odds as the lowest seed remaining in the NCAA...
NIT Wrapped Up In About 5 Hours
NEW YORK—The 32-team field of the 2010 NIT took a businesslike attitude toward getting the tournament over with Wednesday, with participants entering Madison Square ...
Athletes And Sexual Misadventure
Tiger Woods' public apology for serial philandering reminds us how athletes have always found sex as problematic as it is easy for them to get.
Carmelo Anthony Called For Traveling Back In Time
HOUSTON—Nugget's forward Carmelo Anthony made no secret of his displeasure with game officials Monday night after being whistled for a rarely called traveling-through-time ...
