Sports
ESPN Thinks It Can Just Casually Call Something 'Confed Cup'
BRISTOL, CT—Expressing confusion and annoyance upon reading the phrase, sources confirmed Wednesday that someone at ESPN thinks it’s okay to call something the ...
NBA Experts Rule Out All The Things NBA Finals Won’t Come Down To
Library Books, ‘Hudson Hawk,’ Mail Among Things That Won’t Factor Into Outcome
MIAMI—As the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat prepare to face off in Tuesday’s Game 6 matchup, a group of NBA experts ...
Greatest Moments In Stanley Cup Finals History
With the Stanley Cup Finals underway, Onion Sports examines highlights from the 120-year-old NHL championship series.
Report: Waving Objects Behind Basket Has Only Resulted In 3 Missed Free Throws In NBA History
DURHAM, NC—A new study published on fan behavior this week revealed that the common practice of waving objects behind the basket to distract free ...
Tiger Woods, Nike Deal Includes New Line Of Sex Toys And Apparel
BEAVERTON, OR—Nike CEO Mark Parker officially announced Thursday that the company had agreed to a multi-year endorsement deal with golfer Tiger Woods that includes ...
Michael Jordan Hires Patrick Ewing As Bobcats Assistant Coach To Watch Him Lose More
CHARLOTTE, NC—Bobcats owner Michael Jordan announced Wednesday that he has officially hired Patrick Ewing as the team’s assistant coach purely to watch the ...
Bengals Fan Confident This The Wake-Up Call Pacman Jones Needed
CINCINNATI—On the same day cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones pleaded not guilty to assault charges after being accused of striking a woman outside of a ...
Patriots To Finally Get Some Media Attention With Tebow Signing
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Following news that free agent quarterback Tim Tebow was acquired by the New England Patriots, sources close to the organization told reporters Tuesday ...
