FIFA 13 Player Told Guy To Pass, Not Fucking Shoot
FIFA 13 Player Told Guy To Pass, Not Fucking Shoot
Sports
Highlights From David Beckham’s Career
With David Beckham retiring last week, Onion Sports examines notable moments from the soccer player’s illustrious 21-year career.
Dwight Howard Interested In Ruining Rockets
LOS ANGELES—Ahead of his impending free agency, Lakers center Dwight Howard told reporters Thursday that he is “very interested” in moving to Houston and ...
Pete Carroll Thankful NFL Didn't Catch Rest Of Seahawks Using PEDs
Pete Carroll Thankful NFL Didn't Catch Rest Of Seahawks Using PEDs
Pete Carroll Thankful NFL Didn't Catch Rest Of Seahawks Using PEDs
Pete Carroll Thankful NFL Didn't Catch Rest Of Seahawks Using PEDs
Miami Heat Unprepared For Chainsaw-Wielding Pacers
MIAMI—During Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, players on the Miami Heat confirmed Wednesday that they were wholly unprepared for the aggressive brand ...
Brian Urlacher Retires With Plenty Of Injuries Left In The Tank
CHICAGO—Iconic Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher officially announced his retirement from the NFL Wednesday, despite acknowledging that he still had “a lot of injuries ...
Calvin Johnson Says He Played 2012 Season With Broken Heart
DETROIT—Months following his record-setting 2012 campaign, Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson shocked football fans Wednesday, revealing that he played much of last season with ...
Frank Vogel Seen Googling 'NBA Pacers Good?'
Frank Vogel Seen Googling 'NBA Pacers Good?'
Preakness Loser Orb Gets Chewed Out By Trainer On Walk From Stall To Trailer
Preakness Loser Orb Gets Chewed Out By Trainer On Walk From Stall To Trailer
Baseball Player's Season Going To Depend On If He Can Stay Healthy
Baseball Player's Season Going To Depend On If He Can Stay Healthy
Cleveland Browns Gearing Up To Punt Ball Down Opponents’ Throats
CLEVELAND—Claiming they want to impose their will against the competition, Cleveland Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski announced Friday that the team is gearing up ...
Biggest Sports Collapses
With Sergio Garcia plummeting from first place to a seven-way tie for eighth at the Players Championship last weekend, Onion Sports examines some of the ...
Skill Difference Between Top, Bottom High School Tennis Seeds Hilarious
PALATINE, IL—During a tennis tournament hosted by Fremd High School, spectators, coaches, and fellow competitors agreed Thursday that the massive gulf in skill levels ...
David Beckham Announces He’s A Quitter
PARIS—Following a storied 21-year career, global soccer icon David Beckham officially announced Thursday that, at the age of 38, he is a giant quitter.
NBA.com Holds Contest Challenging Fans To Name An Indiana Pacer
NBA.com Holds Contest Challenging Fans To Name An Indiana Pacer
Yankees Fans Turn On Mariano Rivera After Spat With Wildly Popular Joba Chamberlain
NEW YORK—Following the pair’s highly publicized confrontation before a game last week, New York Yankees closer Mariano Rivera reportedly felt the full wrath ...
Bitter Feud Developing Between Joakim Noah, Rest Of Humanity
MIAMI—As the Chicago Bulls prepare to face the Miami Heat in what is a must-win playoff elimination game for Chicago, sources around the world ...
