Sports
John Tortorella Pacing Around Penn Station Screaming At Total Strangers To Clear Puck Into Neutral Zone
NEW YORK—According to confused onlookers inside Penn Station, recently fired New York Rangers head coach John Tortorella is currently wandering around the major rail ...
NBA Finals
The Miami Heat battle the San Antonio Spurs for a chance to lift a trophy.
Tim Duncan Argues Theory Of Infinite Divisibility Prevents Any Team From Winning Championship
MIAMI—Applying an analytical framework dating back to 360 BC, Spurs power forward Tim Duncan used the concept of infinite divisibility Thursday to argue that ...
Gregg Popovich Admits Winning Championship This Year Would Mean About The Same As Previous Titles
SAN ANTONIO—After reaching his fifth NBA championship series, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich admitted to reporters Wednesday that winning this year’s title would ...
Nation Wondering What Telegenic, Eloquent Grant Hill Will Do For Money After Retirement
LOS ANGELES—In response to small forward Grant Hill retiring after 19 seasons in the NBA, Americans across the country this week reportedly pondered how ...
Arena Security Prevents Erik Spoelstra From Celebrating With Miami Heat
MIAMI—Following the Miami Heat’s decisive Game 7 victory over the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference championship series Monday night, security personnel at ...
Miami Heat Unable To Tell If Congratulations Are Sarcastic Or Not
MIAMI—After eliminating the Indiana Pacers to reach the NBA finals for the third consecutive year, Miami Heat players were reportedly struggling Monday to determine ...
Indiana Pacers Feel Stupid For Believing In Themselves
MIAMI—Following their 99-76 Game 7 loss in the Eastern Conference Finals, Indiana Pacers players confirmed Tuesday that they felt like complete idiots for believing ...
Chris 'Birdman' Andersen
Miami Heat power forward Chris “Birdman” Andersen has shot 37 for 43 during the NBA playoffs.
‘CC Sabathia Is Hurting Team,’ Report Yankees Trapped Beneath Pitcher
NEW YORK—Claiming that the left-hander was inflicting significant damage to the team, Yankees sources trapped beneath CC Sabathia told reporters Friday that the pitcher ...
Report: NHL Actually Has Had Hundreds Of Openly Gay Players For Years
NEW YORK—In the wake of NBA center Jason Collins and U.S. soccer midfielder Robbie Rogers coming out as homosexual, reports revealed Friday that ...
Royals’ Agent Books Team For High-Profile Gig In New York City
KANSAS CITY—Calling it their chance to finally hit the big time, booking agent Freddie Holt announced this morning that he had landed the Kansas ...
Football Coach Who Just Cursed Out 14-Year-Old Also Special Education Teacher
ALEXANDRIA, AL—Sources at Alexandria High School confirmed Thursday that football head coach Eric Grier, the man who just unleashed an abusive, profane tirade at ...


















