Cavaliers Impressed With Mike Brown’s Willingness To Coach Cavaliers
CLEVELAND—A week after hiring the former Lakers head coach, Cleveland Cavaliers general manager Chris Grant announced at a press conference Wednesday that the team ...
Sports
Guide To Tim Tebow's Future
Onion Sports gazes into its crystal ball to examine the fate of recently cut Jets quarterback Tim Tebow.
Tim Tebow Just Sitting By Himself In Darkened Florida Gators Football Stadium
GAINESVILLE, FL—After being waived by the New York Jets and so far receiving no offers from other NFL teams, former Florida Gators quarterback Tim ...
Heat Surprised It Took 4 Games To Beat Bucks
MIAMI—Reflecting on their first-round playoff series, members of the Miami Heat expressed their genuine surprise Thursday that they needed four games to beat the ...
Ahmad Bradshaw Medically Cleared For Next Injury
Ahmad Bradshaw Medically Cleared For Next Injury
Michael Jordan Accidentally Leaves For Honeymoon With One Of His Mistresses
PALM BEACH, FL—Following an extravagant wedding ceremony attended by hundreds of famous guests, former NBA star Michael Jordan inadvertently left for his honeymoon with ...
A-Rod Warns Accusers It'll Be Their Word Against His
'Who Do You Think They’re Going To Believe?' Says Rodriguez
NEW YORK—Following recent reports linking him to a Miami-based clinic supplying performance-enhancing drugs, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez reportedly warned accusers Tuesday that if ...
Jose Reyes Thinks He Might Have Landed On DL Wrong
Jose Reyes Thinks He Might Have Landed On DL Wrong
Report: Stephen Curry Best Player You Keep Being Told Nobody Is Talking About
Report: Stephen Curry Best Player You Keep Being Told Nobody Is Talking About
Chris Berman Loudly Weighs In On Jason Collins Story
BRISTOL, CT—Following professional basketball player Jason Collins’ revelation that he is a homosexual, making him the first active player in a major American team ...
Report: Stephen Curry Best Player You Keep Being Told Nobody Is Talking About
Report: Stephen Curry Best Player You Keep Being Told Nobody Is Talking About
‘Now, I'm Not Homophobic,’ Begins Soon-To-Be-Suspended Sports Analyst
‘Now, I'm Not Homophobic,’ Begins Soon-To-Be-Suspended Sports Analyst
Dolphins WR Mike Wallace Comes Out As Stupid Asshole
MIAMI—The sports world was shocked today as Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace outed himself as a stupid asshole, sources close to the professional ...
Gay Teen Still Going To Buy LeBron James Jersey
LAWRENCEVILLE, NJ—After learning NBA center Jason Collins became the first active player from a major American team sport to come out as a homosexual ...
At Moment Like This, Tebow Doesn’t Know Who To Turn To
NEW YORK—Following his release from the New York Jets, NFL quarterback Tim Tebow told reporters Monday that at a moment of distress and confusion ...
Astros TV Crew Already Out Of Things To Say About Team
BOSTON—One inning into Sunday’s game between the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox, sources confirmed that the Astros’ television broadcasting crew has ...
ESPN Ticker Now Counting Down To 2014 Draft
ESPN Ticker Now Counting Down To 2014 Draft
Yankees Warn Eduardo Nunez To Stop Showing Up Derek Jeter By Making Routine Plays At Shortstop
NEW YORK—Multiple reports from within the New York Yankees clubhouse confirmed Saturday that team officials have warned shortstop Eduardo Nunez to stop showing up ...
