‘Now, I'm Not Homophobic,’ Begins Soon-To-Be-Suspended Sports Analyst

MIAMI—The sports world was shocked today as Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace outed himself as a stupid asshole, sources close to the professional ...

LAWRENCEVILLE, NJ—After learning NBA center Jason Collins became the first active player from a major American team sport to come out as a homosexual ...

NEW YORK—Following his release from the New York Jets, NFL quarterback Tim Tebow told reporters Monday that at a moment of distress and confusion ...

BOSTON—One inning into Sunday’s game between the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox, sources confirmed that the Astros’ television broadcasting crew has ...

ESPN Ticker Now Counting Down To 2014 Draft

NEW YORK—Multiple reports from within the New York Yankees clubhouse confirmed Saturday that team officials have warned shortstop Eduardo Nunez to stop showing up ...

LOS ANGELES—After losing the first two games of their first-round playoff series against the Spurs, Lakers coach Mike D’Antoni reportedly called Phil Jackson ...

MODESTO, CA—Speaking with reporters before a game Monday, local Little Leaguer Nathan Garrett expressed his heartfelt wish that, just once, his unemployed father could ...

HOUSTON—According to numerous sources, a star athlete of the city’s professional sports team was reportedly arrested in the late hours of yesterday evening ...

MILWAUKEE—While attending Thursday’s first-round playoff matchup between the Miami Heat and the Milwaukee Bucks, frustrated fans repeatedly urged their hometown team to stop ...

Foreign policy primer: Besides the US, there are 6 countries in the world. They are Israel, Iran, China, Libya, Syria and Afghanistan. — Onion Politics (@OnionPolitics ...

NEW YORK—After several minutes of intense negotiations, Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid agreed to trade the team’s No.

Onion Sports thoroughly examines the major needs of some NFL teams heading into the 2013 NFL Draft

NEW YORK—Ending any speculation about the top pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, the Nebraska Pioneers have reportedly informed Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te ...

NEW YORK—Moments before launching into a long diatribe about the 2013 NFL Draft’s top defensive backs, Sports Illustrated writer Peter King’s wife ...

Conventional draft wisdom says to take the best player available, but sometimes a team needs something different.

TOWSON, MD—Kim Kiper proudly displayed her husband’s 2013 NFL mock draft on the refrigerator door Wednesday, claiming that the 52-year-old football analyst worked ...