Suburbs
County Fair Judges Blown Away By Heifer
ELLENDALE, ND—Dickey County Fair livestock judge Bernard Hodelnutt called a heifer named Bessany "the sort of near-divine creation that inspired Zeus Himself to appear ...
Small Town's 'Cryptosporidium Daze' Fails To Attract Visitors
BLAKELY, GA—Blakely civic leaders were baffled last weekend as Cryptosporidium Daze, their elaborately planned summer festival celebrating the popular waterborne pathogen, failed to draw ...
U.S. Mint Gears Up To Issue Commemorative County Pennies
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the success of its 50 State Quarters program—deemed one of the most popular commemorative-coin programs in American history—the U.S ...
Another Comedian Ruined By Parenthood
AUSTIN, TX—Ed Corgi, once hailed as one of the area's funniest and most ribald stand-up comedians, has lapsed into mediocrity due to the ...
Being A Considerate Houseguest
If friends or family members are kind enough to invite you to stay at their home, you'll want to be a gracious guest. Here ...
Local Man Gets Cocky With Ladder
GUNNISON, UT—Three days into painting his house, Donald Simonds has gotten arrogant with his 12-foot aluminum ladder. "When he started his project, he'd ...
Price Of Penis-Shaped Swimming Pool Negotiated
LAKE TAHOE, NV—The price of a customized penis-shaped swimming pool was negotiated down Monday, when purchaser Rocky Morgan persuaded contractor Lou Visconti to agree ...
Search For Public Restroom An Epic Ordeal Of Alienation, Humiliation, Human Cruelty
AMES, IA—A local resident's search for a public bathroom became an epic odyssey of alienation, humiliation, and human cruelty Monday.
Community Rallies To Save Eyesore
HUBBARD, IA—Hubbard residents came out in force Monday to protest the planned Sept. 1 demolition of an unsightly, 1930s-era silo to make room for ...
Area Man Has No Idea Why He Wrote 'Gazebo Convo-Resolve/Tues (!?)' In Planner Six Weeks Ago
NEW LONDON, CT–Gil Woller, a marketing manager at Hartley Automated Systems, expressed bafflement Monday upon discovering the message "Gazebo Convo–resolve/Tues (!?)" in the ...
Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A 'Terre Haute Sound'
TERRE HAUTE, IN–The members of The Weebles, a local garage band formed in 1998, actually believe there is something called the "Terre Haute Sound ...
Area Love Knows Only Court-Ordered Bounds
COLUMBUS, OH–The passionate love felt by Columbus resident Jonathan Duffy for Ohio State University graduate student Danielle Graves can be stopped by no force ...
Woman Puts Cool Whip Containers To Every Conceivable Use
TERRE HAUTE, IN–According to neighbors, Terre Haute homemaker Barb Lake puts empty Cool Whip non-dairy whipped-topping tubs to a staggering array of uses. "She ...
Church Member Not The Same Since Unsuccessful Choir Tryout
PORTLAND, ME–According to parishioners at St. Luke's Episcopal Church, Mary Raines, 58, has "not been the same" since her unsuccessful audition for the ...
Site Of Fatal Auto Accident Tritely Commemorated
MOUND CITY, KS–A ribbon of blacktop called Highway 52 runs through the heart of this tiny eastern Kansas town. Not much distinguishes this road ...
