Super Bowl

Packers Fans

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Whatever muscles one uses to lift 340 pounds of lard out of bed each morning; unwilling to let work, family, religion, or even basic ...

Mike McCarthy

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Never-ending source of thrilling sound bites such as "We'll address that after the Super Bowl," "That's a nonissue for us," and "We ...

Clay Matthews

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Able to tackle all players, even those who don't desire to be tackled; thick shag carpet matches the long drapes; dislikes not hitting ...

Charles Woodson

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Won the Heisman Trophy, which, come to think of it, has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on this game; unique ability to line-up anywhere on ...

Donald Driver

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Best player in league at smiling after the catch; phenomenal jumper, but also remarkable at standing perfectly still; great route runner in the way ...

Aaron Rodgers

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Sees the field almost too well, so is sometimes distracted by unevenly cut grass or poorly painted on-field lines; best time-out calling mechanics in ...

Steelers Fans

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Somehow pull off rooting for a team that always wins without coming off like Patriots fans; good at waving things, spinning things; best fans ...

Mike Tomlin

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Summoned the hypocrisy necessary to trade Santonio Holmes for pot infraction but keep Ben Roethlisberger; can manage and motivate an entire 40-man roster of ...

Troy Polamalu

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: So good, only needs to play 75 percent of season to be named Defensive Player of the Year; eight-year veteran at strong safety, but ...

James Harrison

Sports News ISSUE 47•05 Feb 3, 2011
STRENGTHS: Has given NFL $3 million in fine money prior to game so he can feel free to tackle helmet-first anytime he wants, which shows ...