AUSTIN, TX—Texas restaurant owners voiced concerns Friday over the recent decision of state prison officials to end last meals for death row inmates, claiming ...

SUITLAND, MD—According to alarming new figures released Monday by the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation's population of mature adults has been pushed ...

MARION, OH—Following the passing of 82-year-old Joseph Howerton Saturday, the American people were, for the very first time, forced to confront the reality that ...

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—The process of evolution, through which single-celled organisms slowly developed over billions of years into exponentially more sophisticated forms of life, has inexplicably ...

WASHINGTON—In his first major gaffe since taking office, President Obama accidentally stepped too close to the ferocious, man-eating plants...

BRESLAU, NE—Nearly four billion years of biological evolution failed to prevent local man Dale Haynes from accidentally drooling all over...

McLEAN, VA—Also known as "Craftmatic Adjustable Bed Death," SEDS has become the leading cause of death among elders over 70.

Recent events have underscored the importance of being properly prepared to deal with the effects of natural disasters. With that in mind, the Federal Emergency ...

AMSTERDAM—Citing "organization-wide disinterest in a truly mundane species of bird," Greenpeace announced Monday that it is ending its decades-long fight to save the endangered ...

SAVANNAH, GA—In the wake of the Aug. 12, 2004 death of her parents Hugh and Patricia, Leah Sawyer's self-esteem has skyrocketed, sources close ...

HOLLYWOOD—Attorneys representing Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen separated the career-conjoined twins in a harrowing, 17-hour procedure Monday. "Because they lived symbiotically for so many years, the ...

NASSAU, BAHAMAS–Rescued after being lost at sea for nearly two weeks, shipwreck survivors Bill and Mary Kolin were forced to endure a ride back ...

HOUSTON, TX—A Shell press release read without a trace of irony claims the Global Explorer will host countless fish and marine vegetation.

WASHINGTON, DC—Assuring the nation that "there is no need for alarm," the Office of Homeland Security issued all U.S. citizens life jackets for ...

VIRGIN ISLANDS—Across the nation, Americans are reacting with shock and grief to the survival of 3rd Rock From The Sun star French Stewart, who ...

BUFFALO GROVE, IL—The Holsapple family, long feared missing or spiritually dead, was found alive in the Chicago suburbs Monday, somehow managing to survive in ...

WASHINGTON, DC–Despite valiant efforts to make itself understood, an endangered West Indian manatee failed to communicate its urgent-sounding message to members of the House ...