PULASKI, TN—A two-inch stretch of 3M Scotch™ adhesive tape was dispensed Monday by a Swingline™ tape dispenser. "I am impressed beyond words by the ...

FLATWOODS, KY—A local prayer meeting ended in covetousness Saturday, when Marvin Teely, 35, enviously eyed fellow parishioner Janice Hough's Franklin Electronic-Bible-Verse Finder. "Why ...

OVERLAND PARK, KS—With 22 slots filled in his new Sony 40-disc CD player, Overland Park restaurateur William Fedorisko still needs 18 more discs, it ...

DOWNERS GROVE, IL—According to a report issued Tuesday by area grandfather Anderson Bresch, the Bresch family's new Gold Star VCR was built by ...

WASHINGTON, DC—After years of frustration over being misunderstood or simply ignored, experts in every field tendered their resignation.

SEATTLE—According to reports, computer analyst Isaac Glenn, who earns $120,000 a year organizing and upgrading computer networks, does not know how to fashion ...

MASSILLON, OH—New MagnaSoles shoe inserts harness the power of magnetism to restore the foot's natural bio-flow.

YICHANG, CHINA—Despite ongoing controversy, construction is proceeding as planned on the Three Gorges Dam, which, if all goes according to plan, will generate enough ...

CUPERTINO, CA—Software analyst Brent Barlow, 27, was recently fired for "thinking too far outside the box."

WASHINGTON, DC—State Department officials are "deeply concerned" by a just-released report that Vulgarian despot Baron Bomburst has acquired Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the fantastical ...

MILWAUKEE, WI—The patient will be able to enjoy a long, happy life as long as he doesn't overexert himself by attempting to walk.