Teenagers

Nation's Moms Invent New Recreational Drug To Worry About

ISSUE 48•19 | 05.10.12 | News

DENVER—A new illicit drug that is incredibly cheap, highly addictive, and extremely easy to produce is appearing in school yards across the country, the fevered imaginations of the nation's mothers who need something to fret over confirmed today. Th... more»
Stigmatic Teen Says His Miracle Is Gross

ISSUE 48•19 | 05.09.12 | Radio News
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

ISSUE 48•05 | 01.31.12 | Newsroom

The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay." more»
Dry Humping An Adequate Sex Alternative For Teens, Says Weird, Unsolicited Report From Department Of Interior

ISSUE 48•03 | 01.19.12 | News

WASHINGTON—According to Beltway sources, confused White House staffers arrived at their desks Wednesday to find a meticulously researched, entirely unrequested report from the Interior Department assessing dry humping as a suitable sex alternative f... more»
Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought

ISSUE 47•49 | 12.07.11 | American Voices

A study published in the journal Pediatrics revealed that only one in 100 teens had sent nude or sexually explicit images via phone, as opposed to the previous estimate of one in five. more»
Teenager's Entire Life Ruined By Frizzy Hair

ISSUE 44•21 | 05.22.08 | Radio News
Age-Progression Technology Indicates Missing Child A Prostitute By Now

ISSUE 44•19 | 05.07.08 | Today Now!

Today Now! utilizes computer technology to show a mother how rampant drug use and prostitution has ravaged her little girl's body. more»
Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity

ISSUE 43•47 | 11.20.07 | News in Brief

COLUMBUS, OH—The shame, humiliation, and ridicule local teen Brandon Means suffered from being the only member of his peer group still... more»
20 Terrorists Under 20

ISSUE 42•48 | 12.01.06 | Sunday Magazine
Michelle Wie Announces Plans To Compete In LPGA Tournament

ISSUE 42•48 | 11.30.06 | Sports News in Brief

HONOLULU—In an announcement that has rocked the world of professional golf, longtime men's golfer Michelle Wie said Monday that she is... more»
Missing Girl Elected To Aruban Parliament

ISSUE 41•42 | 10.19.05 | News in Brief

ORANJESTAD, ARUBA—In a surprise election result, Aruban voters elected missing Alabama teen Natalee Holloway to their parliament Tuesday. "The... more»
Michelle Wie Announces Plans To Turn 16

ISSUE 41•41 | 10.13.05 | Photo Finish
Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards

ISSUE 44•27 ISSUE 41•26 | 06.29.05 | News

VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday. more»
Principal Hates Underachievers, Overachievers

ISSUE 41•20 | 05.18.05 | News

ST. CLOUD, MN—Charles Van Hise is sick of devoting all his attention to “problem students” who require special disciplinary or scholastic attention. more»
Colombian Teen Going Through Anti-Government Guerilla Phase

ISSUE 41•14 | 04.06.05 | News in Brief

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA—Like many Colombian teens, Juan Ardila, 15, is experiencing typical growing pains, characterized by mood swings, raging hormones, and a fervent allegiance to a squadron of leftist anti-government rebels, his 48-year-old father Rafael reported Monday. "I have told him that no good can come out of running with the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia," the elder Ardila said. "But he'll snap out of it. When I was his age, I was kidnapping state officials and car-bombing nightclubs in the name of Communism myself." Ardila said he expects Juan to grow bored of drug trafficking and extortion when and if he reaches adulthood. more»
In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs

ISSUE 40•48 | 12.01.04 | News

DEERFIELD, IL—Like generations of teenagers before him, 16-year-old Eric Jankowski has pulled up stakes to seek a future in a distant land of opportunity and independence. Bravely facing the difficulties of a harsh new world, he placed his meager possessions on his back and made a journey of 70 feet in search of a better life downstairs. more»
Teen Handed Awesome Responsibility Of Closing Subway Alone

ISSUE 40•46 | 11.17.04 | News

BARTLESVILLE, OK—17-year-old Jeremy Prusher's manager said that although he is young, he is perfectly capable of closing the Subway. more»
Conservative Teens

ISSUE 39•49 | 12.17.03 | American Voices

Recent surveys show that today's teens are more conservative than the previous generation on issues like abortion and drug use. What do you think? more»
Teens 'Going To Town' With Restaurant Comment Cards

ISSUE 39•39 | 10.08.03 | News

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Three teens eating at the North Henderson Street Country Kitchen diner "really went to town" with the restaurant's comment cards Sunday, third-shift manager Rick Wehl reported. more»
Obituary Cites Teen's Love Of Music, Cars

ISSUE 39•35 | 09.10.03 | News in Brief

PHOENIX—Patrick Pryde, beloved 17-year-old son of Charles and Elizabeth, loved music and cars, the Phoenix Gazette reported on page D-18 Monday. "Patrick's enthusiasm and passion for life touched all who knew him," the obituary read. "Whether waiting in line overnight for Kid Rock tickets or checking his car's oil level, Patrick showed an unshakable determination and insatiable curiosity, both of which will forever live on in our hearts and minds." Other items mentioned as being loved by Pryde included video games, the Internet, and cable television. more»
Rise In Teen Sexual Activity Comes As Surprise To Area Teen

ISSUE 39•31 | 08.13.03 | News

SALEM, OR—The Alan Guttmacher Institute released a report Friday that showed a dramatic increase in teen sexual activity, a finding that surprised policy-makers, public-health professionals, and 17-year-old Tom Ellis. more»
Troubled Teens Mock Social Worker's Car

ISSUE 39•22 | 06.11.03 | News

CHICAGO—Inner-city teens facing socioeconomic inequities nonetheless take solace in the fact that their social worker has a sorry-ass car. more»
Teen Scores Awesome Oral Cancer Poster

ISSUE 39•01 | 01.15.03 | News in Photos
American Teen Somehow Developing Unhealthy Attitude Toward Sex

ISSUE 38•29 | 08.14.02 | News

ST. LOUIS—Andrew Zollner, a teenage male born and raised in the U.S., has somehow developed an unhealthy attitude toward sex and human sexuality, sources close to the 16-year-old report. more»
Teen Worried About Friend Who Tried Pot

ISSUE 38•14 | 04.17.02 | News in Brief

ARVADA, CO— Steve Vandervelt, 16, an Arvada High School honors student, expressed grave concern Tuesday for friend Todd Wolk, who experimented with marijuana at a party the previous weekend. "They say pot's a 'gateway drug,'" Vandervelt told Wolk. "And even if it doesn't lead to cocaine and more serious stuff, doing pot can still really mess up your brain." Vandervelt offered to speak to Mrs. Logan, the school's health-ed teacher, on Wolk's behalf to get more information about the dangers of marijuana use. more»
Ask A Guy Trying To Describe What He Saw On Nova Last Night

ISSUE 38•13 | 04.10.02 | Advice

Wayne Paulk is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask A Guy Trying To Describe What He Saw On Nova Last Night, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide. more»
Sullen Time-Traveling Teen Reports 23rd Century Sucks

ISSUE 38•12 | 04.03.02 | News

NEWTON, MA—According to sullen teenager Steve Geremek, the 23rd century, a time previously restricted to the fantastical imaginings of science-fiction writers and futurists, "sucks." more»
Peppy U.S. Teens Vow To Make This The Best Year Ever

ISSUE 38•01 | 01.16.02 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—At a pep rally Monday on the National Mall, a coalition of enthusiastic U.S. teens vowed to make 2002 the "best year ever." more»
Teens Find This One Hilarious Store

ISSUE 37•30 | 08.29.01 | News in Photos
Cuba To Buy Car

ISSUE 37•28 | 08.15.01 | News in Brief

HAVANA–In a bid to bring its citizens greater independence, the nation of Cuba decided Tuesday to pool its resources and purchase a car. "We know of an '82 Buick Skylark in Haiti that we should be able to fix up and make usable," Cuban transportation minister Alvaro Perez Morales said. "Having a car will make it easier for our citizens to do everything from grocery shopping to commuting to work." Use of the car will be determined by lottery, with a winner chosen daily from the nation's pool of 11 million citizens. more»

teenagers

Nation's Moms Invent New Recreational Drug To Worry About

Stigmatic Teen Says His Miracle Is Gross

Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

Dry Humping An Adequate Sex Alternative For Teens, Says Weird, Unsolicited Report From Department Of Interior

Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought

Teenager's Entire Life Ruined By Frizzy Hair

Age-Progression Technology Indicates Missing Child A Prostitute By Now

Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity

20 Terrorists Under 20

Michelle Wie Announces Plans To Compete In LPGA Tournament

Missing Girl Elected To Aruban Parliament

Michelle Wie Announces Plans To Turn 16

Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards

Principal Hates Underachievers, Overachievers

Colombian Teen Going Through Anti-Government Guerilla Phase

In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs

Teen Handed Awesome Responsibility Of Closing Subway Alone

Conservative Teens

Teens 'Going To Town' With Restaurant Comment Cards

Obituary Cites Teen's Love Of Music, Cars

Rise In Teen Sexual Activity Comes As Surprise To Area Teen

Troubled Teens Mock Social Worker's Car

Teen Scores Awesome Oral Cancer Poster

American Teen Somehow Developing Unhealthy Attitude Toward Sex

Teen Worried About Friend Who Tried Pot

Ask A Guy Trying To Describe What He Saw On Nova Last Night

Sullen Time-Traveling Teen Reports 23rd Century Sucks

Peppy U.S. Teens Vow To Make This The Best Year Ever

Teens Find This One Hilarious Store

Cuba To Buy Car

American Voices »

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan