Human Tragedy Tops Nielsens
LOS ANGELES—The broadcast of a shark attack on a group of shipwrecked Haitian refugees dominated the Nielsens Monday.
Television
Report: Mankind's Knowledge Of TV Trivia Doubling Every Three Years
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ–According to a report released Monday by Rutgers University's Center For Media Studies, mankind's collective knowledge of TV trivia is ...
Paul Hogan Keeps Pitching Crocodile Dundee Saturday-Morning Cartoon
LOS ANGELES–Continuing nine years of such efforts, Australian actor Paul Hogan pitched a Crocodile Dundee Saturday-morning cartoon to Fox Family Channel executives Tuesday. "In ...
Arsenio Hall Writers Still Keeping In Touch
LOS ANGELES– According to former Arsenio Hall Show head writer Garry Schenk, the writing staff of the 1989-94 late-night talk show still keeps in touch ...
Report: TV Teens 15 Times More Likely To Crack Wise Than Real Teens
NEW YORK–According to a report released Tuesday by the Center For Media Studies, TV teens out-wisecrack real-life teens by a 15-to-1 margin. Said researcher ...
Awful Show A Repeat Again
PRESCOTT, AZ– According to local TV viewer Randy Bolz, Monday's episode of the "absolutely awful" CBS show The King Of Queens was a repeat ...
Captain Kirk's Life Flashes Before Dying Trekkie's Eyes
MILFORD, CT– Moments before dying, car-accident victim and hardcore Star Trek fan Glenn Schaefer saw Captain James T. Kirk's life flash before his eyes ...
Area Man Could Have Sworn Randy Newman Sang Welcome Back, Kotter Theme
SPRINGFIELD, MO–Television viewer Michael Grigg was stunned to learn Monday that Lovin' Spoonful frontman John Sebastian, not Randy Newman, composed and sang the Welcome ...
Performance Artist Shocks U.S. Out Of Apathetic Stupor
SAN FRANCISCO–The American consumer populace, long decried by members of the artistic and academic avant-garde as "TV Guide-swilling philistines," was shocked out of ...
Parents Of 80-Pound Toddler Lapping Up Publicity
DALTON, GA–At first glance, Angela and Travis Rohner appear to be your average couple. Married for 13 years, these high-school sweethearts have lived their ...
Fox Voluntarily Removes Reality From Programming
LOS ANGELES–Responding to public outcry over its controversial reality-based shows, Fox announced Monday that it is removing all reality from its programming. "We have ...
Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk
BURBANK, CA–Alex Trebek, host of the popular quiz show Jeopardy, deftly prolonged a mid-show chat with contestant Paula Riel into an agonizing 45 seconds ...
Police Seek Suspect In Series Of Random Later Hostings
BURBANK, CA–The Burbank Police Department is on the trail of an unnamed NBC executive believed to be responsible for a string of random Later ...
Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television
CHAPEL HILL, NC–Area resident Jonathan Green does not own a television, a fact he repeatedly points out to friends, family, and coworkers–as well ...
X-Files Fan Killed For Knowing Too Much
EUGENE, OR–Mounting evidence in the murder case of Roy Bannister, the 27-year-old X-Files fan whose body was found beaten beyond recognition in his home ...
Computer-Generated Talking Cat On TV Delights Iowa Woman
OTTUMWA, IA—A computer-manipulated talking cat in a commercial for Fresh Step cat litter thoroughly delighted Ottumwa resident Sheila Dagenhardt Monday.
Police Uncover Talk-Show-Guest Mill In Rural Kentucky
TOMPKINSVILLE, KY—After months of searching, Kentucky law-enforcement officials, working closely with federal authorities, discovered a massive, illegal talk-show-guest mill Monday on the outskirts of ...
