Acid Trip Better Planned Than Vacation
SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA— Jonathan Andriesko's weekend acid trip was better planned than his trip to Arizona last month, friends of the 22-year-old video-store ...
Travel
'Expect Delays' Signs Placed Randomly Throughout Nation
WASHINGTON, DC—Expanding upon the already omnipresent signage at airports and on highways, the government has posted more than 150 million "Expect Delays" signs at ...
Amsterdam Tourist Can't Find 'Kind Bud' In Phrasebook
AMSTERDAM—While on vacation in Amsterdam Monday, Atlanta resident Brad Haines, 22, struggled to find the Dutch translation for "kind bud" in his Berlitz pocket ...
Family Not Appreciably Enriched By Trip To Mount Rushmore
KEYSTONE, SD–Despite predictions to the contrary, the Lurmans' visit to Mount Rushmore failed to enrich the Portage, MI, family or bring its members closer ...
Bus Passenger Suspects Man In Next Seat Might Be Having Conversation With Him
SPOKANE, WA–An hour after pulling out of Spokane Monday, Greyhound passenger Ed Comello began suspecting that the man in the next seat was having ...
Hamster Thrown From Remote-Control Monster Truck
MILTON, MA–Tragedy was narrowly averted in the Bourke household Monday, when Harry, the family's pet hamster, was violently thrown from the 4" by ...
Vacationing Woman Thinks Cats Miss Her
VERO BEACH, FL–Annette Davrian, a 45-year-old Cedar Rapids, IA, bank teller, is spending her vacation time in a delusional haze this week, somehow managing ...
Report: North Dakota Leads Nation In Parking Availability
BISMARCK, ND–According to the latest issue of U.S. News & World Report, for the 27th straight year, North Dakota leads the nation in parking ...
Terrorist Extremely Annoyed By Delayed Flight
CHICAGO–His flight from O'Hare to LaGuardia delayed more than six hours, Hamas militant and would-be suicide bomber Nidal Hanani vowed never again to ...
Nigeria May Be A Developing Nation, But It Is Rich In Culture vs. Get Me Out Of This Godforsaken Hellhole
Ever since taking West African History 201, I've been fascinated by the rich cultural tapestry that is Nigeria. Professor Olson really opened my eyes ...
Turkish Man Kiss You
IZMIR, TURKEY–According to reports, Izmir-area journalist and table-tennis enthusiast Mahir welcomes you to his homepage and kiss you. "Welcome to my page!!!!!!!!! I Kiss ...
Celebrity Killed In Mid-Air 747 Collision
LOS ANGELES—Actor Conrad Janis, best known as Pam Dawber's father on the popular television program Mork & Mindy, is believed among the deceased in ...
Disney World Mascot Could Use A Fucking Vacation Himself
ORLANDO, FL—Walt Disney World employee Ronald Smoller, costumed for the 10th straight hour and the 23rd straight day as Goofy, could use a fucking ...
Secretary Of State Returns From 'Fucking Incredible' Diplomatic Trip To Ireland
WASHINGTON, DC—Madeline Albright returned Monday from a “totally amazing” diplomatic visit to Ireland.
Plane Delay Leaves Hundreds Whiny
ATLANTA—A flight-routing error at Hartsfield International Airport delayed the departure of Delta Airlines Flight 387 nearly 40 minutes, leaving over 200 travelers whiny and ...
