Weather in 2007: sunny, cloudy, rainy, snowy, windy
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Trends

    Rogue Scientist Has Own Scientific Method

    News • ISSUE 42•23 • Jun 5, 2006
    TALAHASSEE, FL—The 44-year-old maverick says groundbreaking results require flexibility and creativity, not meticulous planning and observation.

    Today's Funeral-Goers Want To Be Entertained

    Commentary • ISSUE 42•22 • May 31, 2006
    By Aaron Rueth, Consultant

    Jim Leyland Accused Of Jumping On Tigers Bandwagon

    Sports News in Brief • ISSUE 42•19 • May 11, 2006
    DETROIT—Friends and associates of the American League manager say that, even though Jim Leyland had never rooted for the Detroit Tigers prior...

    New Poll Finds 86 Percent Of Americans Don't Want To Have A Country Anymore

    News • ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 42•11 • Mar 13, 2006
    WASHINGTON, DC—Few respondents expressed strong feelings, but most thought dissolving the union would "be a lot easier for everyone."

    Japanese Cars On Top

    American Voices • ISSUE 42•09 • Mar 7, 2006
    Every automobile in Consumer Reports’ list of the top 10 cars in the U.S. is Japanese-made. What do you think?

    Ikea Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles

    Radio News • ISSUE 42•05 • Feb 4, 2006

    National Pork Council Says Many Americans Suffering From Pork Deficiency

    Radio News • ISSUE 42•04 • Jan 28, 2006

    More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option

    News • ISSUE 42•04 • Jan 25, 2006
    NEW YORK—With companies' pension funds dwindling as retirees enjoy longer lives, many U.S. business have opted to freeze their workers' employment status.

    I'd Love This Product Even If I Weren't A Stealth Marketer

    Commentary • ISSUE 41•50 • Dec 14, 2005
    By Kyle Pafrath

    C-Sections On The Rise

    American Voices • ISSUE 41•48 • Dec 2, 2005
    Americans are delivering babies via Caesarean section in record numbers. What do you think?

    Wal-Mart P.R.

    Infographic • ISSUE 41•48 • Nov 30, 2005
    In an effort to combat their negative media portrayal, Wal-Mart has set up a public-relations "war room." What strategies have they drawn up to counter ...

    FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007

    News • ISSUE 41•47 • Nov 23, 2005
    WASHINGTON, DC—The FCC is advising that no new show exceed six minutes, and that all programs contain intra-episode recaps.

    Cases Of Glitter Lung On The Rise Among Elementary-School Art Teachers

    News • ISSUE 41•47 • Nov 23, 2005
    CHICAGO—The classroom disease is characterized by a lack of creative energy and twinkly, reflective mucus.

    TV Downloads On AOL

    American Voices • ISSUE 41•46 • Nov 18, 2005
    In order to boost available content, America Online is preparing to offer downloads of old television programs like Welcome Back, Kotter and...

    Alcohol Awareness Class

    American Voices • ISSUE 41•46 • Nov 17, 2005
    Colleges across the country are requiring incoming freshmen to take an online alcohol-awareness course. What do you think?

    Poll: More Americans Getting Their News From Bev

    News • ISSUE 46•26 ISSUE 41•42 • Oct 19, 2005
    MARSHFIELD, MA—News analysts credit local resident Beverly Tollefsen's media success to her prime position on the corner of Webster Street.

    Love: The Crazy Hippie Fad Goes Mainstream

    Sunday Magazine • ISSUE 41•41 • Oct 14, 2005

    First Report On Long-Term Effects Of Breakdancing Released

    News in Brief • ISSUE 41•41 • Oct 12, 2005
    NEW YORK—More than two decades after the breakdancing craze peaked, the first data on its long-term health effects was published Tuesday in the...

    America's Obese: A Food Source For America's Even More Obese?

    News • ISSUE 41•40 • Oct 5, 2005
    WASHINGTON, DC—The answer to morbidly obese Americans' problems could be standing right behind them in the buffet line.

    Violent Crime At 30-Year Low

    American Voices • ISSUE 41•40 • Oct 5, 2005
    Statistics indicate that the violent-crime rate in the U.S. is at its lowest point in 30 years. What do you think?
    • Prev
    • 1
    • 2
    • 3
    • 4
    • 5
    • 6
    • …
    • 15
    • Next

    Recent News

    Father Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System‘Our Thoughts Go Out To Oklahoma,’ Says Congressman Mentally Calculating When He Can Bring Up Benghazi Again24-Year-Old Receives Sage Counsel From Venerable 27-Year-Old2013 Year In Review Photo Essay Shaping Up To Be Quite HorrificAmericans Dredge Up Last Remaining Reserves Of GriefMan Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Missions To Focus Largely On Tutoring, Community Outreach

    Recent Videos

    Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

    David Fincher To Helm YouTube’s First Hour-Long Drama Series 'Turtle Has Sex With Shoes'Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

    • Savage Love: May 22, 2013

    • DVD: HomeVideo Review: My Neighbor Totoro / Howl's Moving Castle

    • TV: TV Club 10: What made The Middle one of the best family comedies in years

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Cafe Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

    • Your Insides Look Like Smashed Tomatoes - Dr. Good - Ep. 1

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved